Page 150 of Begin Again Again

“Do you want to find her? Look her up, I mean?”

“Nah, it’s too late. She’s probably married with three kids.” Derek looked at him. “Don’t fuck things up with Beth.”

Byron swallowed. Tried to clear his mottled head. “You’ll meet someone, you know.”

“I’m always meeting someone.”

“So, you’ll meet someone you want to stay.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

The doorbell rang and they both started.

“Fuck, we’re twitchy,” Byron said with a laugh. He got up.

“I’m done with the deep shit,” Derek yelled after him. “I’m done with the beers, too.”

Byron headed for the door. “I’ll grab water on the way back.”

They ate in front of the TV. Byron wanted to text Beth, but he was scared of cocking it up. Instead, he texted Sal, wished them good luck and said he loved them again. He also wrote notes in his phone—plans for tomorrow, plans for the future. He and Derek called it a night at eleven. They had a slightly awkward handshake that turned into a hug.

“Good to have you back,” Derek said, pounding him on the shoulder.

Byron didn’t say anything. Couldn’t say anything. He headed upstairs to wash off the day. When he was done he got into bed naked and put his AirPods in. He was about to play his classical music mix when he paused, took the buds out and synched his phone to the Bluetooth speakers. Phillip Glass poured from his JBL clip, sounding about fourteen times better. He lay back, letting the sound wash over him. It didn’t matter if Derek heard it. It didn’t matter if anyone knew this was how he fell asleep.

I love you, Beth, he thought, and he closed his eyes, drifting into nothingness.

Chapter 23

Beth dragged her suitcase down the carpeted stairs. It was cheap, and one wheel refused to turn. She bashed it into the walls, swearing as she tried not to tumble forward.

“Fuck this.” She hoisted it up like a strongwoman and carried it the rest of the way. Muffin and Pizza took full advantage of her occupied arms. They rushed at her and aggressively brushed against her ankles. They seemed to know she was leaving and were determined to stop her. Beth would miss them. She’d miss a lot about Mrs J’s house.

She put her bag in the hall and bent to scratch Pizza’s fuzzy head. Her eyes ached from crying and tiredness. She’d stayed up most of the night packing and planning her route to Perth, trying to tie up the loose ends that kept appearing. Through all the frantic work, her decision to leave hadn’t faltered, but her chest ached, and she couldn’t eat a thing. Her pain about leaving Byron walked hand in hand with her excitement about her new job in a new city. About choosing the life she wanted. She couldn’t stay. Of that she was sure.

Shooing the cats away, she hoisted her suitcase up and opened the front door. The ocean breeze sliced through her jeans and pink t-shirt. It was a piercingly cold Melbourne morning, the last she’d feel for a while. She staggered to the silver Suzuki Alto in the driveway. Five grand and a handshake and it was hers. It was tiny, with roll-down windows and a smattering of hail damage, and Beth loved it. Loved what it promised. The tank was full, ready to go whenever she got up the courage. It wouldn’t be long, she guessed—her hands were already getting that excited tingly feeling. Her work phone buzzed in her pocket and Beth dumped her suitcase and pulled it out. It was a group email, nothing about her moving.

Her going interstate was another thing that had been easily resolved. She’d called her chief of staff that morning and asked to finish up her contract in Perth. Paul was all too happy to agree. Glenda, on the other hand, was furious. But aside from sending passive aggressive emails demanding she pay to send her laptop back to Melbourne, there was nothing she could do. Beth was free.

“You lucky cow,” Caroline had said, when Beth rang her to say she wouldn’t be applying for the role she’d recommended. “They’d never letmefuck off to Western Australia.”

Beth didn’t reply. If she’d learnt anything from working at the office, it was that most of the ‘rules’ were expectations and if you didn’t play along there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. She unlocked her Alto and hoisted her suitcase onto the backseat. It took up almost all of it, but that was okay. It was just her, after all.

“I didn’t know Suzuki made a car smaller than the Swift,” Lara had said when Beth called her the night before. “Are you sure you’re gonna make it to Perth?”

“With enough breaks…” Beth gathered up her courage. “Lara, I’m sorry things didn’t work out—”

“No, I’m sorry,” she said in a rush. “I was pissed off you left me and I wish we’d sorted things out sooner.”

Beth smiled, eyes welling up for the millionth time that night. “I wish that too. But we can talk all the time, the way we did when I was in Auckland.”

“Of course.” Lara paused. “Angus will miss you.”

“I’ll miss him too. I’ll miss his mum more.”

“Cool.” There was a sharp sniffing sound. “Anyway, I have to tell you about this Amy I met at the workplace safety conference last week…”

She and Lara talked for almost half an hour before Angus started bawling. Lara didn’t bring up Byron, and Beth was grateful. She wasn’t ready. Probably wouldn’t be for a while.

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