Page 133 of Begin Again Again

“No! Like me and my friend Dolly talked about people we’d been with and said ‘cunt’ and stuff.”

“Oh.”

Beth grinned. “Yeah, I’m way less cool than you. Anyway, I hid what I was doing from my parents for ages, but then someone Mum worked with told her about Wine Wives and she did the same thing your mum did.”

“Freaked out?”

“Yup. Kicked me out of the house.”

“Really? Over a podcast?”

It was crazy how strong the urge to add caveats was, even after all these years. But Beth wasn’t going there. “Really. Over a podcast. Mum kicked me out. Dad stood by and watched. I moved in with my boyfriend and eventually the story became‘Beth moved out to be with Stephen.’Because why let the truth get in the way of thinking you’re a good fucking person?”

Sal smiled sadly. “That’s pretty fucked.”

“It is, but you know what? It was worth it. It was better than staying.”

“Do you actually mean that?”

“Of course!” Beth stared at them. “Do you seriously want your parents to take you back after what they’ve done?”

“I mean… no. Probably not. But I want to be honest with them and have them accept me for who I—what?”

Beth realised her face had contorted into a disbelieving look. She tried to smile. It wasn’t her place to tell Sal what to do. “Look, I’m no one to you. You don’t have to listen to me.”

“But?”

“I dunno, I don’t want to say something and come between you and your brother.”

Sal snorted. “Please don’t worry about that. Byron’s cool. I mean he might freak out about OnlyFans, but he’ll get over it. He already knows I do burlesque.”

“True.”

Sal smiled. “He says that all the time too.”

“I think I got it from him.” Beth paused. “Sal, why do you want to start an OnlyFans?”

Their eyes lit up. “So I can model and do up sets and dance and put together outfits and make my own money, and to show off my tattoos and get better at doing make up and—”

Beth held up a hand. “You should move away and start an OnlyFans. Go interstate, housesit somewhere and do what you want, in peace.”

“You think?”

“I know. We can make you a housesitting account. You can do OnlyFans stuff in the spare rooms. Only, maybe you should disguise it so the homeowners can’t tell. Although if they could tell it would be because they were on your OnlyFans, so who knows…”

“I just…I don’t think I can.” Sal’s gaze fell to their lap. “I mean, I’ve never lived out of home properly and I have this credit card I need to pay off and I don’t know… it’s all pretty complicated. And my parents are—”

“— doing the best they can?”

“How did you know I was going to say that?”

“Because it’s what everyone like us says and we’re wrong. They could do better. They could at least fucking try.”

Sal grinned, then their face fell. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Sal, you don’t owe your parents your life. You don’t owe them your future. I know you love them; you can keep loving them, but if you stay where you are, trying to reason with their bullshit, you’ll only end up bitter.”

Sal nodded, then they shook their head and Beth knew exactly how they felt. “Trust me. Just go. Go, and one day you’ll be in my shoes, talking to someone else about their family and thanking god you left when you did.”

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