Page 81 of Begin Again Again

“I don’tcarrrrree,” Beth sang. She felt light. Happy. She wasn’t worrying about work, about the new share house or finding a job or working on Girl Gang. People were animals—she was an animal. A hairless ape with an iPhone pretending to care about stuff until a hot guy came along so she could drop everything to fuck him.

“Have you and Lara been friends for a while?” Byron asked.

“Almost ten years. We met when we were journalists at the New Zealand Herald—oh my god, I’ve been a working adult for a decade. Jesus.”

Byron grinned. “I’m not playing into your age freak out—”

“It’s not a freak out, it’sreal.”

“—but you guys must be close to still be in touch.”

“Definitely.” Beth pictured the look of matronly disapproval on Lara’s face as she left. “It’s just…”

“What?”

“She can be a bit possessive. Not always. Just lately. I think the pandemic’s fucked our brains or something.”

“How do you mean?”

“We’ve been joined at the hip for almost a year and now that I’m…” Beth chewed ‘seeing someone’ back into her soft pallet. “… getting out of the house, I think she feels left out. You know, stuck at home with Angus.”

“Angus is the baby?”

“Yeah.”

Byron drummed the steering wheel. “He’s cute.”

Beth liked that he could just say that. Stephen always said cute things were ‘cool,’ if he managed to say anything at all. “He is cute. He’s a bit of a terror though. More than Lara expected, I think, like, how much he needs her.”

“That makes sense.”

Byron’s Hilux crawled up Sydney Road. The street was thick with after school traffic. Mums pulled in and out of parking spaces in ways that would have had Stephen on his horn a dozen times over. Byron didn’t seem to notice. He didn’t tailgate, didn’t even shoot dirty glances. He just tapped the steering wheel, marking time, marking the beat to “Fader” by Temper Trap. His fingers were long and tanned with clean round nails. His left ring finger twisted at the knuckle in a way that made Beth wince. He’d have a hard time getting a wedding ring on.

He turned the steering wheel, and a ray of sunshine turned the fine hair on his knuckles to gold. And then Beth saw it—herself laughing as she wedged a thin platinum band onto his finger. They were getting married in the gardens of Christ Church in Russell. Autumn leaves spiralled around them as he leant to kiss her, the most handsome groom in the world. Her hair would shine like fire against the pearl of her vintage wedding dress and as their kiss ended, Byron would swing her into his arms. She saw the image the camera would capture—her laughing effortlessly, Byron staring into her face like she was the only woman on Earth. The sunlight would catch the slash in his eyebrow, as it caught his mangled left finger now—two beautiful mistakes.

A remix of “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac came over the car speakers and Beth imagined sending the calligraphy and lace invitations for her perfect wedding to the perfect man. The vindication. The fuckingglory. Her school friends would be so jealous. Her brother’s salad girlfriend would have to beherbridesmaid. Her parents would have to fuss and focus onherfor once—

Embarrassment claimed its due. Beth’s face burned. She stared out of the window at a passing Aldi and hoped Byron wouldn’t look at her and guess what she was thinking.

“Horoscopes?”

She jolted in her seat. “What?”

“You. The way you’re being. Unless you’re really interested in deals on Aldi brand corn chips.”

“I think they’re on par with Doritos.”

“And that’s great… but why did you just shudder?”

The car rolled forward. Beth kept her gaze on the line of shops. “Just thinking dumb things.”

“About Lara?”

“Nah, dumber.”

“Well, I’m not gonna push, but I do think we should keep being honest with each other if we can.”

Beth swallowed. “Sure. I mean, if I’m being honest…”

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