Page 140 of Begin Again Again

Everything gets taken away…

Beth was talking, saying something about the podcast, about her job. He tried to listen, but his head was full of old sounds. Was this PTSD or something? Or was he being beyond melodramatic for even thinking something like that?

She touched his forearm, her palm uncomfortably warm. He was supposed to tell her he loved her, but she was leaving, like Audrey, like Sal—his chest throbbed—like Derek. He was alone, he’d always, always be—

“Byron?” Beth’s voice was sharp. “Are you okay?”

He closed his eyes, tried to shake the sound out of his ears like a wet dog. “I’m fine. So, when are you going?”

Her face fell. “You weren’t listening to me, were you? Idon’twant to break up. I promise. This is just a great opportunity to do what I came to Melbourne to do—travel and work on my projects and give being a professional podcaster a shot!”

He nodded because that was what he was supposed to do. She was leaving, going to Perth for the rest of the year. If that wasn’t dumping someone, he didn’t know what was.

I’m getting drunk.

He was going to finish listening to Beth, go home and get shitfaced.

“… I like you,” she was saying. “I love spending time with you, and I think we have such a great connection, but this is something I think I need to do. I’ve never…”

Byron remembered the last time he’d been in Perth for football. He’d never seen so many good-looking blokes in one place—just shirtless surfers everywhere. He gave Beth about a week before she started fucking someone else. Maybe less, considering they never had a lockdown there.

“… I need to try and have a life that’s about me,” she said. “I can feel myself getting way too wrapped up in you. In us. And I know if I take this job at work and we move in together, I’ll look back and see I never gave myself a real chance at being who I want to be…”

Yeah, this was a break up, alright. Fucking hell. And he thought everything was going better than it ever had with anyone. Showed what he knew.

“… I’ve always been too scared to take risks when it comes to my career. I’ve never had faith that anyone would care about me if I wasn’t being exactly what they needed. That has to stop. I need to grow up and do what I want to do becauseIwant to do it. And now is the right time, I can feel it. Not for us, obviously.” She flashed him an apologetic smile. “But I think that…”

Byron watched Beth’s mouth move, heard the shape of her sentences. He wished she’d hurry up and run out of steam so he could go home.

“… Anyway,” Beth said. “At least I get to join a new touch team. I think I’ve burned all my bridges in Melbourne.”

That was true. Byron had gone to Beth’s last two games, and no one passed her the ball. Josh wouldn’t look at her. The whole team acted like she had COVID. The idiots.

“Byron?” Beth’s voice was soft. “Do you get what I’m saying?”

He smiled. “Sure do.”

She drew back like he’d flashed a gun. “Byron…?”

He pressed his palms into his thighs and stood. “Okay, so, I’ll come say goodbye tomorrow? Or we can just wrap up here if you want?”

“What are you talking about?”

He jerked a thumb at the door. “I’m gonna get going. Let you pack and shit.”

He wandered over to his boots. Muffin and Pizza rushed him, rubbing against his damp shins. He bent to stroke their bodies. He’d miss them. He’d miss this whole house.

“Aquarius…” Beth stood, her eyes bright with tears. “This isn’t about not liking you or not wanting to stay for you! I want to stay for you so much it hurts.”

“But?”

“But nothing!”

“But you’re going,” he corrected. “So, it’s goodbye.”

She walked toward him, saying something he couldn’t hear. He was remembering New Year’s Eve, the way he’d cried in her arms. She’d said that night that they both needed to keep changing. He’d had no idea what she meant, but he bet it had everything to do with this. He should have known this was coming. She’d moved out of her friend’s place. She kept talking about wanting to focus on her podcast. Maybe she’d been telling him to hedge his bets this whole time and he hadn’t realised.

“… I didn’t quit drinking and change my whole life to play it safe again.” Beth was crying now, her nose and cheeks as red as her hair. “I was hoping Melbourne would be my fresh start, but it just hasn’t been.”

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