Page 25 of Not Your Shoe Size

The waitress scoffed. “Ridiculous! You are, what? Forty-five?”

Mr. Peterson laughed. “Fifty.”

“That’s how old Ty is.” Kate didn’t know what made her say it. The words were out before she could stop them.

The waitress made an ‘I couldn’t give a fuck’ face—for which Kate could hardly blame her—but Mr. Peterson’s could give a fuck. Mr. Peterson had gone pale, his mouth was a twisty line. “He’s my age?”

Kate wasn’t sure why it felt like her stomach was bottoming out, but she didn’t like it. “Not quite. He’ll be fifty next month.”

The waitress gave a Gallic shrug and strode back toward the café counter, but Mr. Peterson appeared dazed.

“Are you…okay?” Kate ventured.

“I’m fine.” Mr. Peterson took a long swig of coffee and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “So…your boyfriend’s fifty?”

Kate nodded, wanting to say more but unable to manage it.

“And you’ve been together five years? So, you got together when you were…twenty-six?”

“Twenty-five.”

Mr. Peterson’s brow furrowed, and Kate instantly regretted the correction. “It’s not one of those weird things. Ty and I are good together.”

“I’m happy to hear it…” Mr. Peterson didn’t look happy. He drank more coffee, his gaze firmly in the middle distance.

“What?”

“Katie, we can be honest, can’t we? Like we used to be?”

“What do you mean?” Kate felt panicky. Torn open. “What’s wrong with my relationship?”

Mr. Peterson sat back in the booth and sighed. “You’re a smart girl, you know relationships like yours have a big power imbalance, right?”

“We don’t have a big power imbalance!” But as soon as Kate said it, she could feel the contradictory information pushing up to the surface. Ty had more life experience, he made more money, he knew more about the world, he assumed the dominant role in their sex life, he was her first boyfriend, he chose where they travelled…

And where theydidn’ttravel.

As she weighed her thoughts Mr. Peterson smiled at her, concern softening his gaze in a way that irritated her. Why did he have to be here today? Why couldn’t he and Deidre have stayed in the Otways with Kate’s family and the rest of her baggage?

Mr. Peterson leaned forward. “Katie, I’m only asking because I care about you. And I know you’re vulnerable.”

The word echoed in Kate’s ears.Vulnerable, vulnerable, vulnerable.“What…what do you mean?”

“Well, you had a bad time at school, didn’t you? And I know part of that was Deidre—and I apologise for not taking a stronger hand in managing that, but school aside, I know things at home weren’t ideal…”

Kate giggled, wishing she could vanish. She didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t think mining around in shitty memories was healthy or even helpful. There was so much pointless cruelty in her past, she never knew where to begin. Besides, whatever absolution she and Deidre found in the driveway at Rapunzel’s, the fact was she had managed the Colac Secondary ‘I hate Kate McGrath’ campaign, and Kate didn’t want to discuss that with her dad.

Hey, that’s like a porno as well! You fuck your childhood bully’s dad and then rub it in her face, possibly engaging her in a threesome—your call.

Shut up.Kate licked her cracked lips.“It wasn’t too bad. No one has a good time at school, do they?”

His smile had far too much sympathy in it.

Kate tapped her coffee cup. It was annoying that Mr. Peterson knew so much about her. They’d met when she was raw and immature, and now he saw her in a way that was so transparent it was almost obscene. He had a window into her tender, underfed girlish heart. And it didn’t feel nice the way it did when she was young, it felt…one sided. Unfair.

You don’t mean that. It’s not his fault you poured your sadness all over him when you were a kid.

A warmth closed over her hand. Mr. Peterson had put his palm over hers again. “We don’t need to push this. If you say you’re happy with Ty, I believe you.”

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