Page 82 of So Steady

“Get a grip,” she told herself, heading into the lounge to change into her stretchy black fishtail dress. It was a little glam, but she wanted to look pretty.

For Noah? Maybe, but also for her future life. She’d escaped the momentum of her past. Surely that warranted some sparkles.

She pulled off her bra and then, remembering the dress’s clinginess, her underwear. They were damp from what she and Noah had done. Her nerves fizzed and she reminded herself it was unlikely that anything bad had happened.

But not impossible, Sam said.

I don’t want to think about that.

She tugged on her Jimmy Choos, wiggling her toes so they settled in the narrow fit. She and Sam had long toes—proof of our primate ancestors,Tabby always said. There was a bottle of Miss Dior in the sports bag, so she spritzed herself. She finger-combed her hair, regretting her makeup was miles away in Melbourne. She considered going upstairs and having a good rummage for stray foundation samples, but the sun was dipping and the last thing she wanted was a confrontation with Aaron.

She collected her discarded clothes and was about to shove them in her bag when she realised she didn’t want to. Whenever she wore them, she’d think of being here, in the middle of Aaron’s filth.

She had her nice dresses and her owl painting; she didn’t want anything else. Using the cups and plates would only remind her of her failed engagement—and the condom. She looked at the front door where Noah was waiting, smoking, thinking his Noah thoughts. Her lips curled into a smile.

I’m lucky, she realised. Aaron is the unlucky one.

Her heart racing, she walked to the foul-smelling kitchen and pulled the magnetic notepad and pen off the fridge. She scrawled as fast as she could.

Goodbye, Aaron. I’m going to have nightmares about the condom but it made going through with this so much easier. I’ll have a solicitor call about the house.

Good luck,

Nicole

She stuck the notepad back on the fridge, and her watch flashed in the lowlights. Her gut contracted.

She could keep it. It wasn’t her engagement ring, it was a nice Cartier watch. Sam and Tabby would let her get away with it. Noah didn’t like it, but he couldn’t tell her what to do. It was the same thing as getting rid of her tattoo—her choice. She let her hand fall back to her side, the watch feeling heavy as a shackle. She wished Noah had broken it. Thrown it on the floor and crushed it under his feet. He was an ex-biker who’d been to jail, if he hated the watch so much, why hadn’t he destroyed it?

Because he’s a good person, you idiot. He’s not going to curb stomp your eight thousand dollar watch.

She rocked on her toes, trying to think of another way. She glanced at her front door, picturing Noah leaning by the van, smoking. If she ended everything, many possibilities would have room to breathe, to test their strength.

What do you think?she asked her internal sisters.

Do it fast,Sam said.

Like a band-aid,Tabby added.

It came off with the flick of her thumbnail. She cupped it in her hands like pirate treasure. She held it up to the light and watched the diamonds glitter.

“Goodbye,” she said, kissing its face. “Thank you for being such a good watch. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be a metaphor.”

She draped it carefully over Aaron’s used condom, feeling a hundred kilograms lighter.

The sun was setting as she strode outside, but it seemed extra-bright, as though it was supercharging itself. Noah stared at her, smoke curling from his mouth. At first, she thought he’d noticed the lack of watch, then she remembered she was wearing a tight, showy dress and heels. “Like it?”

He nodded, his green eyes narrowed. “C’mere.”

She walked toward him, and because she was embarrassed, she did a little turn. He rubbed his jaw. “You…”

“Yes?”

“Never mind.” He pressed his non-cigarette hand to her waist, pulling her close. “I’d kiss you, but I’m pretty sure your neighbour’s watching.”

“She’s not my neighbour anymore.”

His lips were on hers before she’d barely finished the sentence. Kissing her like something out of a movie. He smelled like sweat and he tasted like cigarettes, and Nicole was certain her ex-neighbours were all watching from their windows, but it didn’t matter. When he pulled away, his green eyes were blazing, but she liked that he didn’t say anything. That they could keep whatever was between them out of language and inside sensation.

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