Page 92 of So Wild

Nicole turned away, stretching plastic wrap over the fruit salad.

“You think I didn’t get out! You still think I’m trapped in a well of vodka-party tears!”

Nicole sighed. “Sam…”

“I mean it, tell the truth.”

“Okay.” Her twin walked over to the door and closed it. “Okay, I don’t think you got out of the vodka-party hole. You got lonely, Sam. You had more friends than I’ll ever have, more guys chasing you, more adventures, moreeverything,but it was never enough after Scott left. You were never satisfied.”

Sam swallowed, scared but needing to ask the question. “Is that why you left for Adelaide?”

“No, well…” Nicole gave her a sad smile. “Maybe a little. I wanted a fresh start, but itwashard to know where my place was with you. You needed me so badly sometimes, it stressed me out. I didn’t know how to help you and eventually I realised I couldn’t. You had to learn to help yourself.”

There was a long silence. Sam walked over to the dining table and put the lid on the small gold tub of cream. She didn’t want to think about what Nix had just said, but there was truth there and on some level, she’d already known it. “I’m sorry for pressuring you.”

“It’s okay,” Nicole said. “I think you’re more balanced now and you’re working hard, but this Scott thing is confusing. I thought you were going to be mature about him, not, you know, keep pranking him.”

“I know.” Sam fiddled with the cream lid. “You know, I used to think my whole life was in front of me, then a year ago everything changed. I saw all these people from school getting married or moving away and Marina hasfivekids now.”

“I saw them on Instagram. They look like potatoes.”

Sam smiled, but it was only a reflex. “It’s scary, looking at the world and seeing I’m not young, anymore. I know I’m not old, but I’m not some kid, either.”

“And where does Scott come into that?”

“He means something to me, but I have no idea how to deal with it.”

“Why not?”

She looked up at Nicole, feeling a cold dread settle in her belly like smog. “We just have all this baggage, I don’t know how to get past it.”

“Is he still mad about the drawing-a-vagina-on-him thing?”

“No, he was good about it, but then he asked me if I trusted him and I couldn’t say I did. I wanted to, but I justcouldn’t. It felt too big and like, I was too…” She picked at her fingernail, trying to force the word out. “Broken. He makes me feel broken. Like I didn’t realise how messed up I was until I had him reflecting it back at me.”

“Oh, Sam, you’re not broken.” Nicole strode around the kitchen counter and hugged her. A spontaneous show of affection was rare and Sam soaked it in like a flower, wrapping her arms around her twin and squeezing her tight. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Nicole pulled away, looking thoughtful. “You know, after everything that happened when we were kids, it makes sense that you wouldn’t trust Scott, but I don’t think he stole my photos. At the time I latched onto it because it made the most sense but afterward, I realised Scott knew exactly where our bedrooms were and he wouldn’t have wanted my pictures. He was only ever in love with you.”

“You mean he had a crush on me.”

Her twin shook her head. “The guys who used to drive past the house every night had crushes on you. Scott was…devoted. Like he took a vow to look after you, or wait for you or something.”

“Isn’t that kind of fucked?”

“I don’t know. I think when it comes to romance, only the people inside the relationship can say what’s fucked or not. Either way, it happened. You know, once when we were fifteen, I got up to pee and I saw Scott sitting in the tree outside your window.”

“What?”

“He wasn’t looking at you,” Nicole said quickly. “He was reading with a torch. It was like he just…wanted to be near you, or protect you or something.”

Sam looked down at her hands, trying not to think of virtuous knights guarding princesses’ sleeping chambers. “Right.”

“You know, a lot of people had weird twin fetishes about us. Anyone could have climbed into our house and stolen those pictures. Or your underwear.”

“I know. I just don’t know what believing that means.”

“I think it means youcantrust him, at least enough to give him a proper chance and see where things go.”

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