Page 89 of Degrees of Control

James hated Charlotte’s‘how would you feel?’questions, they always made him think about things he didn’t want to think about. “I wouldn’t mind.”

She stared at him, her big blue eyes asking for the truth.

“Okay, I’d probably be embarrassed,” he admitted. “But trust me, nothin’ will ever be goin’ on with me and another girl.”

“I know James, but you have to trust me too.”

“I do! I just don’t like guys watching you while their brains play 3D movies of you gettin’ done from the back. You’re mine. They’ve got no right to look at you that way.”

Charlotte shook her head, her obvious disappointment a million times more crushing than anger. “You don’t get it. There’s a part of me that likes when you get all alpha-growly, but I already had a possessive boyfriend, remember? It was awful.”

James was horrified. “I’m nothing like him! I would never be angry atyoubecause guys want to fuck you.”

She put a cool hand on his wrist. “I know, but you being this jealous all the time makes me really uncomfortable. I’m scared if you don’t learn to control yourself and accept that other people are always going to findbothof usattractive, we’re going to have the same problems over and over again.”

“Charlotte—”

She stepped backward from him, looking him directly in the eye. “When you’re jealous, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like I should be doing more to stop men from looking at me, wearing baggier clothes or not smiling as much. It makes me question myself. I know that’s not what you want but it’s what it does and I hate it.”

The pain in her eyes as she spoke had made him feel lower the dirt. He’d promised then and there to cut out the jealousy crap. He might be pond scum, but his girl was the closest thing to an angel there was and he’d rather die than crush the goodness out of her.

It wasn’t easy, but eventually he discovered a foolproof strategy for addressing his mistrustfulness. Whenever he saw a guy perving on Charlotte, he memorized every line in his asshole face and then later when he was making her scream, James imagined the dude watching, tears running down both cheeks.

It was a little weird, but whatever. It worked, and it kept him from being too much of a possessive douche. It had been one of his crowning achievements before he realised he was a pussy who couldn’t propose to his girlfriend for some unknown fucking reason.

“James!”

He looked up and saw Charlotte walking toward him, holding up his latte. “Don’t be sad babe, I’ve got it. You’ll be caffeinated in no time.”

James shook his head, smiling despite the ache in his chest.

Please woman, just marry me. You don’t have to like American Aquarium or drink whiskey or touch pork ribs without cryin’ but goddamn it be my wife. Only, ask me to marry you. You know I’d say yes. Just put me out of my misery and ask me, right here in this fucking airport.

But she didn’t. Charlotte was many things, but she wasn’t a mind reader. Instead, she handed him his coffee and took the seat beside his. “Sorry about the wait, the line was crazy.”

“All good, baby.” He took a grateful swig. The coffee was perfect. Barista-boy had probably done an extra-special job for the pretty girl. James reminded himself to mentally thank him next time he was railing Charlotte from behind.

“Are you nervous about seeing everyone again?” Charlotte asked, prying the lid off her chai latte and blowing on it. “Sophia and your cousins and stuff.”

“Nope.”

After some idiotic family drama, James had decided against going home to Texas. He and Charlotte would be spending a week in Minneapolis with his cousin Sophia and her husband Parker, then a few days with his sister Kelsey, her wife Debbie and their two kids. A lot of extra Hunters floated around the area, most employed by his daddy’s exporting business. James supposed he’d be seeing them at some point too. Then he and Charlotte would be flying to Hawaii toactuallyenjoy themselves for five days before going home. That was, unless he botched his proposal and the whole trip was tainted by his failure. He took another deep swallow of coffee.

“Are you sure your mum’s still sick?” Charlotte asked. “I’ve heard swine-flu isn’t that contagious if you wear one of those paper masks and gloves. Maybe we could make a last minute trip down to Texas and see her?”

“Baby you’re not goin’ anywhere near swine-flu, okay?”

“Okay but what about your other sister, Sarah? Maybe we could stay with her and—”

“Charlotte, you know she’s sick too. Besides, do you really wanna spend a week eatin’ meat against your will? Because you know Sarah thinks bein’ a vegan’s a joke and shewillfeed you a bunch of stock and lard disguised in risottos.”

Charlotte made a face. “Okay, I just feel bad that we’re coming all this way and not seeing them, is all.”

He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Don’t feel bad. Like I said, they’re all basically quarantined anyway.”

Okay, so he hadn’t told Charlotte the truth about why they weren’t seeing his family on their first trip back to the states, but he had his reasons. She was all about mediations and group discussions and feel-talking. She’d want him to discuss exactly what had gone down between him and William, him and his father, him and pretty much everyone except Kelsey, and he wasn’t down with that.

There was nothing that having a big old talk would solve, except to make him feel even worse than he already did. He and his family were estranged, probably would be for life and the sooner he got used to that—without a whole lot of mouth-flapping—the better.

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