Page 59 of Degrees of Control

She smiled. “Thanks. Now when I go to a farm, I can enjoy the animals more. I freaking love lambs, their tiny little legs…”

James traced patterns on her shoulder, wondering if he should open his mouth and let the words crowding his brain fall out.

“If you’ll forgive the cliché; what are you thinking about?” Charlotte asked.

“I…” James cleared his throat. “When I was a kid my sister Kelsey and me used to follow the cows around, give ’em all names…I used to hate it when they got sent for slaughter.”

His voice trailed away and he continued tracing circles on her skin, avoiding her eyes. Charlotte’s eyes were full of questions, questions he found himself asking when his mood got black enough.

If you love cows so much, why do you help run a live export company? Why didn’t you study vet science like Kelsey? Oh wait, because you were too busy screwing and throwing footballs and getting applause for being a pretty boy. And then the day came when you got sick of fake-smiling and eating chicken breasts and decided to get a real job, so what did you do? That’s right, you went to work for your daddy, the man who didn’t give a single fuck about you from the moment you slid into this world. And you’ve got no regrets right, Jimmy-Boy? Not a one. Not a single fucking—

“Uh, James, are you okay?”

With a start, James realized he’d been glaring into space like a mental patient. What the fuck was wrong with him this morning? “I’m fine, Blue-Eyes. A little tired.”

Charlotte closed her eyes and nodded serenely. “You are very old.”

He seized her with a snarl and worked his fingers into her sides making her shriek and kick out at him. But even as he laughed, all he could think was ‘what the fuck are you doing to me woman?’

When she buried her face in his neck and kissed his ear and jaw, an air raid alarm went off inside his head. In an instant he was halfway across the room. “Can’t do roughhousing this early in the morning, darlin’. Can I use your shower?”

“Sure, I’ll get you a towel and start breakfast.”

The bathroom was freezing. James stood shivering under the lukewarm spray, hating Charlotte’s apartment more by the second. What would have happened if she’d been alone when that asshole broke in? The thought pricked him like a rusty syringe. She wasn’t safe here at all. He’d known she didn’t have a lot of money, but if she really couldn’t afford to live anywhere better than this, she must be struggling.

Surely if Sophia knew her friend was staying in such a dangerous neighborhood she’d pay through the nose to get her a better place. Charlotte clearly had a stubborn streak buried under all that sweetness, either that or a whole lot of pride. It was admirable, but it also meant she wouldn’t take his money if he offered it. After less than five minutes, the heat in the tepid water evaporated, driving James back out into the cold kitchen. He found Charlotte flitting about like a hummingbird in a rubbish heap, making them both pancakes and something in his chest lurched against his rib cage.

Where can she go that’s safe?he asked himself.Somewhere with thick walls and locks on the door and clean well-lit streets. Somewhere that’s not Sophia’s place so I can still show up and fuck her brains out.

He sat down at the kitchen counter. “So, as per our agreement, you’re gonna move out, right, Blue-Eyes?”

Charlotte poured milk into an orange bowl. “I’d like to but by the time I sort something out, it would be time to go home. To Australia, I mean.”

What the fuck?James fought to keep his face from showing his shock and horror at this news. “You’re leaving?”

Charlotte added flour to her milky concoction and stirred it so fast it left flecks all over her T-shirt. “Yeah, I’m going back to Melbourne a couple of weeks after Sophia’s wedding.”

“I thought you liked it here?”

“I do. But I can’t afford to stay.” She gestured around her shitty apartment. “This place is almost out of my budget.”

James picked up her sugar bowl and began spinning it on the counter top. It was in the shape of the yin-yang symbol. Charlotte didn’t strike him as someone lazy or incompetent. Why was she so fucking broke? “You work full time right? How much do you get paid at your job?”

“Not much,” she admitted. “And I can’t charge my personal clients a lot because I’m only new to yoga. Living here was okay when I was with Dale because we could split rent and he covered a lot of the bills, but on my own I’m poorer than a church mouse.”

James frowned, detesting the mention of the man who’d come before him.Dale. That asshole had some fucking nerve sharing a name with Earnhardt. Probably wasn’t fit to lick number three’s boots. “How long were you guys together?”

Charlotte melted coconut oil into the pan. “Not super-long, we met when he was in Melbourne touring with his band.”

James closed his eyes.A musician. Jesus. “You guys must have got together pretty fast, huh? If you flew all the way out here to be with him?”

“Yeah,” she said, blushing a little as she poured thick white batter into the pan. “It was kind of out of character for me. My family were really surprised.”

“Were you in love with him?”

It was like taking shots you didn’t need at the end of a long, drunken night. No matter how much shitty information Charlotte poured into his ears, James couldn’t stop asking for more. Some part of him was aching for the details.

“I thought I was in love with him at the start, but I don’t think so now. I didn’t really know him, I just saw what I wanted to see, felt things I wanted to feel.” She gave him a rueful smile. “I wanted an adventure and Dale was all about having adventures.”

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