Page 79 of Courting Claudia

“Yes. He’s fine. As far as I know.” He leaned forward. “It’s Richard. I’m afraid he’s dead.”

“Richard?” Her brow furrowed, but no tears came. “Dead? Are you certain? How?”

“Murdered. At the moment the police don’t have any suspects, but they’re doing an investigation.”

“Oh my,” was her only response.

“Are you all right?”

“I suppose so. I’m not certain. I don’t really know what to feel. I suppose I should feel sad.” She looked up and met his eyes. “But I don’t. Not in a personal way. I mean, I’m sad that he lost his life, just as I would feel reading about anyone’s death. But it doesn’t feel as though I lost someone I knew. Someone I cared about.”

“Perhaps you’re in shock.”

“Why aren’t I sad? I should be sad.”

He came around the desk and knelt beside her. “Claudia, you feel the way you feel. There aren’t any shoulds when it comes to our feelings. You can’t control them.”

“But I was going to marry him.” She shook her head. “I should feel something, and yet inside”—she tapped on her chest—“there is nothing.”

“Give yourself some time.” He pulled her to a standing position. “Come sit with me on the sofa.”

She followed him, a blank stare on her face.

“His death is simply not real to you yet. Let your mind absorb the information. You knew Richard a long time. But not feeling something is fine too. Let your heart guide you.”

“Are you sad?” she asked him.

He took a deep breath. “Richard and I were friends a long time ago. Good friends. The best even. But then we grew up, and things changed. Life was different away from school. Richard made some decisions that drastically changed his life and the man he became. In the end he was not the person I remembered, the person I cared for. He died to me a long time ago. So, no, I’m not sad.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Not knowing who did this, I can’t in good conscience bring you back to London with me. I want you to stay here for a few weeks. Until I can be sure that you will be safe.”

“What does his murder have to do with me?”

“Perhaps nothing, but I don’t want to put you at risk.”

“It was probably a burglary and nothing more. I shall be fine in London. I do not want to stay here alone.”

“I can send Poppy out here to stay with you.”

“Poppy’s mother will never hear of that. She can’t miss one single engagement and the opportunity to find herself a husband.”

“Well, then I can send my aunt out here. The two of you will get along fabulously.”

“No.” She folded her arms across her chest and nodded, punctuating her stance.

“What?”

“I said no. I don’t want to stay here, and I refuse to do so. You told me that you wanted me to speak my mind, have opinions, argue with you. Well, I’m taking advantage of that. I am going back to London with you. That’s my final decision.”

“This is not what I meant and you know it. This is a different situation than disagreeing with me on an everyday matter. Your safety could be at risk, and it is my duty to care for you.”

“Your duty?”

“Yes.”

“Derrick, you suggested I fight you. Stand up for what I want. This is what I want. I don’t want you to stick me here in the country and forget about me. I want to go home to London with you. Continue my illustrations. It will be easier to keep me safe when you can keep an eye on me.”

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