Page 83 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

Birth certificate. Social security. Driver’s license. College degrees. The paperwork I’d signed to put Augustus into his care home. Power of Attorney. The letter from Augustus regarding the deposit box that I’d never read. And... A typed up BDSM Contract? Paperwork on a new joint bank account... Name change paperwork?

A marriage certificate.

I choked and felt my hand fly to my mouth, my eyes welling with angry tears.

He’d stolen my money, my freedom, my body, and my name. I’d trusted the wrong man and he’d taken everything I had in one swoop.

I think I said something, and maybe he did too, but the next thing I remember, I was crying, and Reuben was taking the paperwork out of my hands and setting it back on the desk, and then opening his arms to me. I fell against him out of sheer need, but then pushed and pulled, trying to get away from him.

I cannot do this again.

I could feel my mouth moving, but I didn’t know what I was saying. I think he was speaking to me too, but I couldn’t hear him. But I do remember one thing; when I pushed him off me, he let me go. He didn’t hold on for dear life. He pulled his arms back from me, and he let go of me, kneeling in front of me while I tried to wipe the tears from my face and catch my breath.

“Alice,” he whispered softly. “You’re okay. You’re safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you here. You’re safe with me. I’m going to keep you safe. I promise.”

“How can you,” I cried, finally able to breathe again. The way he was speaking to me was calming me down just enough that I could finally understand what he was saying.

“I have a lot of friends in high places who can help. I can get your name changed back by nine o’clock tomorrow morning, and have your money transferred back into your account, assuming it’s still there. In the District of Columbia, six months of separation is enough to file for divorce–”

“I don’t want a divorce, I want to never have been married!”

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” My hands were shaking, and he opened his hands for me, palms open. Something about the way he spoke to me and the expression of compassion on his face made me set my shaking hands in his. “We’ll fix this, I promise. I’ll help you.”

A strange sense of déjà vu came over me. “Why, why do you want to help me, why do I matter to you,” I cried. “I’m nothing to you. I’m just a girl. You don’t even like me!”

“No, sweetheart,” he whispered. And brushed a tear from my cheek. His hand was so large against my face that it covered half of it, and it scared me how safe I felt with my face in his hands. “You’re notjusta girl. You’remy girl.”

Reuben stood up to his full height, and guided me to the bed, and I freaked out just a little at the thought that he was going to do something to me. He scooped me up like I weighed nothing and set me down on the bed, and then knelt on the ground in front of me so I sat above him looking down. He took my hands again and looked me in the eye, breathing calmly until I found myself matching his breaths.

“I want you to sit and breathe for a few minutes. I’m going to get you some water. I’ll be right back, okay?”

I nodded, unable to speak. He stood up and left the room, and I pushed myself farther onto the bed.

It was really comfy and had a bunch of pillows, and a pretty black comforter with stars and planets all over it. I found myself laying down on the bed, resting my head against the pillows and tracing my fingers across the glittery stars on the fabric. One of the pillows was a purple star with a smiley face. Above me was a poster of the milky way taped to the ceiling. There glow stars stuck all over, and Christmas lights wrapped around the headboard.

This room was...mine. Had Reuben prepared this room for me?

Aaaand now I’m crying again.

There was no reason why this man should be so good to me considering how rude and bratty I’d been to him over the past few months. Plus, he barely knew me. We were just barely starting to talk, and he’d already collected my stolen things, promised me to help with the legal shit, and bought me a galaxy bedspread and glow stars.

I was at war with myself again. Half of me wanted to get up and run out of this room and drive back down the mountain to Greenwood Valley, and the other half of me wanted to throw my arms around Reuben and hug him and let myself feel things for him.

Both options were stupid. I knew that. But my brain and my body were confused, and scared, and I didn’t know what to do...

“Hey, calm down, okay? Alice. Look at me. Sit up, drink... okay. That’s better. Drink slowly. That’s right. Good... okay.” He stroked my hair while I sipped the water he brought me, and then took the empty glass.

“I want you to lay down for a few minutes, alright? Just lay down and breathe. I’m going to sit right here until you feel better.”

I didn’t speak, I just did as he said. I laid down and stared up at the poster on the ceiling, wondering about how pretty the room would look with the glow stars all lit up. I noticed that the walls were painted a dark blue, and the ceiling was a dark grey. It would be super dark in here with the lights off.

“Is this for me,” I whispered, dreading the answer.

“Yes it is.”

“Can you turn off the lights?”

He crawled over to the door and reached up, turning off the light, and then closed the door behind us, plunging us into darkness except for the stars and the Christmas lights.

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