Page 51 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

She didn’t answer, she just continued to stare, blinking slowly, her sky-blue eyes studying me with some unknown expression.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to sit up. I felt a little lightheaded and was pretty hungry. Looking down at the bedside table, I saw that it was past midnight, and that Alex had brought a bottle of water and a sandwich up to my room for when I woke up.

“Thanks,” I whispered, and I ate it slowly as she spoke to me.

“Alice,” she said, and I met her gaze. “You asked me for help once. Do you remember?”

“Yeah.”

{“In the car on the way home from DC. You told me about your condition. You told me you don’t trust yourself, or your feelings. You told me that you trust me because I’m unbiased. Is that still true?”}

I nodded, knowing where this was going. I finished the sandwich and drank most of the water, and then met her gaze again.

“I need you to make a choice. You are going to trust Reuben Weston and believe that he is a good man and does not mean to hurt you. Or... you are going to a treatment center.”

An ultimatum from the one person I trusted more than anyone in the world. I looked down at my hands, wondering what treatment would be like.

I had other friends like me who shared my condition. Mostly online, on Reddit and Facebook groups. They talked about their time spent in mental institutions like it was the darkest, most dangerous times of their lives, and the idea of going to a treatment center scared the hell out of me.

“I would send you to a good one and check in with you regularly. You wouldn’t have to fear being mistreated. Sophia visited a very good one that I can send you to. If that is what you want... I will help you through that.”

I looked up at her to see her face had changed slightly to a concerned, serious expression. She meant it.

I trusted Alex Victor with my life. I knew she was the one person in this church that, no matter what, would always know what was true and what was not. Being able to read minds and know both sides of the story, and what people’s true motivations were, I knew if someone was trying to hurt me or take advantage of me, she would step in. Because she had before.

“That man is not going to harm you. He does have your best interest in mind. You need to trust him with the same level of trust that you have for me. I would trust him with my life.”

But would you trust him with your heart,I thought to myself.Because that’s different.

{“I can’t answer that. Jacob and I... I can’t imagine anyone else having my heart. I don’t want to. But I can tell you this... you are precious to him.”}

“Why,” I snapped. “Why does he like me? Why does he even care? He hates brats, remember?” Irrational frustration and anger began to swell in me, but Alex stood and took a few steps towards my bed and laid a hand on my head.

Instantly, peace and calm dragged me back down to earth. It was like the safest place in the world. Like I was back in Daddy’s arms and he was hugging me tight.

I wanted to be there. I wanted to live there. It was all I wanted, and I could never have it.

My heart started to break a little more, but Alex did her weird clairvoyant thing, and the pain and anguish melted away, replaced with exhaustion.

{“Go to sleep, Alice. And tomorrow, at church, talk to Reuben. He does care for you, and you can trust him. I know you’re brave enough to try one more time.”}

Her words got quieter and more distant as I slowly fell back into a dreamless sleep.

On Sunday, I sat toolong in front of my mirror trying to decide what I was going to do. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Reuben. I had promised Alex I would give him a chance, but I was still a little pissed about him basically ghosting me for a week.

To be fair, I have his cell number around here somewhere. But he didn’t even make an effort...

Sophie knocked on my door. “Hey, Alice, can I come in?”

“Sure,” I shouted, and grabbed my mascara to double down on my lashes.

Sophie cracked the door open and said, “I know you don’t usually do tours on Sunday, but... there are these guys downstairs who are interested in housing next semester. Would you...”

“Yeah,” I sighed. I needed a distraction anyway. Adjusting my skirt and running my fingers through my hair, I threw on some lipstick and went downstairs.

I always wore professional clothes to church and when I was working in the lobby, and today I was glad I had. Three seriously handsome guys stood downstairs by the lobby desk, and their eyes popped when they saw me.

Unfortunately, Reuben was also standing in the lobby talking quietly with a young couple I didn’t recognize, and a young girl who I did. She was one of the girls who had come up to help for the holiday party.

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