Page 275 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“I don’t know. I lost track an hour ago.”

“You hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“You want pizza?”

“...Yeah. Why not? I’m already in trouble.”

A pizza arrived an hour later, and after drinking a bottle of water, a few trips to the bathroom, and a slice or two of greasy pizza, I’d sobered up enough to talk without sounding like an old woman with no teeth.

“What happened,” Simon asked. “Why’d you take off? He said you went out for French fries and never came back.”

“That’s what happened.”

“You know what I mean, Sprite.” He reached up to the couch where he’d laid his messenger bag and removed a notebook. Simon couldn’t go more than fifteen minutes without drawing.

I studied him while he drew. He was average height for a guy, average build, slightly above average shoulders, short black hair cut in a military style, and a black beard. He used to keep it long, but recently had started cutting it a little shorter, and it was a good look for him. He had several ear piercings, a nose ring, and tattoos starting at his neck and basically covering almost every inch of him. And then there were the dick piercings. Basically, an absolute badass.

“Hey Pierce, how come we never dated?”

“Because you were in your slut phase.”

“Oh yeah.”

He switched pencils, adding some darker strokes over the outline of his drawing. It looked like he was drawing a fire or something. “I don’t date, and I don’t do dynamics. At the time, neither did you. Plus you had Lewis. So we just... did what we felt like.”

“Why don’t you do dynamics?”

“I’m not a Dom.”

“You kinda are. What is that?”

“Not sure yet. And no, I’m not. I’m a top, not a Dom.” He set the notebook aside and took another slice of pizza from the box, folding it like a taco to eat it. He was weird like that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered. “You like bossing me around and sticking needles in my back. That’s pretty Dom-ish to me.”

“I liked playing games, and watching you squirm,” he said, dabbing a napkin at his lips. “I liked spanking you, and fucking you, and watching you beg for my dick. I liked that look in your eye when you’re so blissed out on pain that your brain shuts off. But I don’t do all the other stuff.”

“Like making me drink water and not drink half a bottle of alcohol? ‘Cause I think you just did that.”

“That’s not what being a Dom is about. I don’t want a dynamic, Sprite. I can barely deal with my own shit, let alone dealing with someone else’s. I’m into kink, not power exchange. I don’t want your power, I don’t want control. Well... I do, for a little bit. Long enough to get us both off. And then it’s over. I like casual. Fun. Friends and games and sex, that’s all.”

I remembered what Reuben had said about choosing not to finish after our scenes. He said he liked the way it felt to have power over me, to control me, and that his arousal made it even better.

“I think I need to leave Reuben.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “You just did, apparently.”

“No, not like that. Like, officially.”

Simon finished his pizza, rose from the ground, and took our plates. Quietly padding into the kitchen, he poured himself a shot of Wild Turkey 101, added a single ice cube to the glass and swirled it around. “Why?”

“Because he’s brainwashed me to think I’m in love with him!” I spat out.

Simon stopped swirling the whiskey and looked at me suspiciously.

Simon drank his whiskey while I explained everything, even powering on my cell phone and showing him the video clip. I told him about how Reuben was more interested in controlling me than anything, and that I was worried he was going to turn me into a brainless doormat, use me, and break me and turn me into a slave.

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