Page 208 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

She smiled and took a deep breath, her tears drying up.

“Go back into the kitchen and finish cleaning up. We’ll talk about this later.”

“Are you going to punish me for disobeying you?” She asked, just loud enough for the others to hear.

Well now I have to, silly.“Yes, Alice. I am.”

She smirked, pumped her fist as she whispered “Yes.” She hurried back into the kitchen, only to poke her head out a split second later and stage-whisper, “That was my five percent.” She shut the door, leaving me to explain that one to my friends.

That night after everyoneleft, we both showered and met back up in the living room. I sat on the couch in my sweatpants while Alice laid beside me with her head on my lap, naked except for a silky black bathrobe. It was tied loosely around her waist, and the silk lay over her skin in the most beautiful way. I stroked her hair while she laid against me, which seemed to calm her down, and always made me happy because I loved her hair so much. It was thick and long and soft as silk, but strong enough that I didn’t feel like I was going to tear it if I gripped it hard.And boy did she love having her hair pulled.

“What did you mean tonight, when you told Jeff you wished your daddy had been like him?”

She was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke. “Augustus and I never had any plan for when he passed away or couldn’t take care of me. Part of that was my fault, because I kept shutting the conversation down whenever he brought it up, so he made the plan himself without my input. But when I tried to argue with him about it, he refused to hear me out. He did what he thought was best for me, but he didn’t give me a choice. He... took away my permission to say yes or no.

“Jeff and Becca already have a plan in place for the end of his life, and she was part of that conversation. And even though he’s picked a new Dom for her, one of the things he said tonight was that it was no guarantee she’d even want to stay with him, and that it was totally up to her. Which, of course it is. But he acknowledged that. And I think that’s important.

“I just wish... I don’t know.” She shrugged slightly. “I just think it’s really important they have something they agreed ontogether. It sucks when a relationship is over and you’re on your own, completely unexpectedly with nobody to go to. It’s jarring. You forget how to be single.”

“We need to talk about something for us, eventually” I whispered. Not that we were nearing the end of our lives, but a plan for exit was just as important as a plan for entrance, especially considering Alice’s track record.

“No,” she said, curling up tighter against me. “Not yet.”

“Well, not tonight, but we need to, soon. Maybe around the six-month mark, Alice. It’s just as important as the rest. Statistics say I’ll pass away before you do–”

She cut me off. “Actually, with my disorders and my PTSD, it’s more likely I’ll commit suicide.”

“Don’t joke about that.” My hand tightened in her hair.

“I’m not joking. I’m telling you the statistics. And we both know I’ve already tried. That makes it even worse. People who try once tend to try again.” She spoke so casually, so off-hand about the whole thing that it didn’t even feel like this conversation was real.

I pulled her face up towards me. “You are not allowed to kill my submissive,” I growled. “And no more talking about our deaths tonight. We’ll discuss some options another time.”

Her eyes filled and she scrubbed at them. “’Kay.” Her voice was thick as she said, “I wish I didn’t cry all the time.”

“I like it when you cry,” I whispered, catching her hand and moving it away from her face so her tears could flow uninhibited.

“Why?” Her voice shook as she asked.

“You look real. Honest. Vulnerable. I think it’s beautiful that you share that part of yourself with me.”

“Did I do good tonight,” she asked, sitting up and leaning against me.

“Oh, Alice, you didso good. I’m so impressed. You were so good that it stressed me out.”

She snickered. “I tried really hard. My brat group said sometimes the best way to brat is to not brat.”

I bit back a laugh. She wasn’t wrong. Part of me had been so stressed about her good behavior, it would have been easier if she’d been her normal self. “I’m so proud of you. And I appreciate it.”

“But you’re still going to punish me for coming out of the kitchen without your permission, right?”

“I’d planned to wait until tomorrow, since you’re a little emotional. Plus, I’d like to give you your reward at the same time.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m always emotional. Besides, my emotions don’t count.”

Her emotionsdon’t count?What on earth was that supposed to mean? I looked at my phone. It was almost eleven o’clock. I didn’t have a conversation like that left in me tonight, so I texted myself a reminder to demand an explanation for that particular line of bullshit later and decided to turn in for the night.

“Come on, you,” I said, standing up and offering my hand. “It’s your bedtime.”

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