Page 199 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“Don’t sleep in that,” he added, pointing to the harness.So tired, and yet he’s thinking about me. He’s secretly so soft.

“’Kay,” I smiled, pushing him gently down the hall. “Got it. Good night, old man.”

He grumbled something about only being a few years older than me and began stripping off his shirt before he even got to his room. I checked on him a few minutes later, to find him asleep on his bed on his stomach, wearing only his boxers, his bedroom light still on.

He works too hard. He’s going to work himself to death at this rate. Doesn’t he have more people to help him at the center?

I dug around in his linen cabinet until I found a spare blanket and shook it out over him. I put a glass of water by his nightstand, because that was the kind of thing he’d do for me. It made me happy to do something nice for him, especially remembering how thoughtful he’d been sorting through my harnesses and selecting the ones he knew wouldn’t trigger me. Once he was covered with the blanket, I turned off his bedroom light and shut the door behind me.

I was pretty tired myself from the whole experience of meeting Lindsay, plus the long day of driving, so I got ready for bed, pulling on the t-shirt I’d stolen from him to sleep in. But after tossing and turning in bed for about an hour, I got up.

Not knowing what else to do, I snuck around the house. I’d left some trash downstairs in the dungeon from when I’d opened all those toys, so I grabbed a trash bag and threw all the boxes and plastic wrappers away. I also put away his shoes and his briefcase which he’d left chair in the living room. Still too wired to sleep, I snuck back into his room and stood by the door.

He’d moved in his sleep and had curled up on his side. The bed was massive, a king-size at least, with tall metal posts to hold the canopies of heavy red material. The metal head and footboard had all kinds of places to hook things to. The long gray bedspread went down to the floor, and I was pretty sure it was one of those beds with a cage underneath.

Across from his bed was a dark wood dresser with a large mirror, and there was a black leather chair in the corner. Would he bring me in here one day? He’d otherwise kept the door to his private rooms shut, and he’d grazed over them in his tour. He’d done the same when he’d given me a tour of his house in Cullowhee; he’d all but skipped it, like it was sacred.

I snuck farther into his room and explored the bathroom. It was hard to see with the light off, but I used my cell phone as a flashlight. A big bathtub with a separate shower and beautiful marble countertops made the room look like something from a luxury hotel.

I felt all warm and fuzzy thinking about sitting in that tub with him. Maybe one day he’d let me take a bath in there with him.How did I get so lucky to find such a good Dom? What makes me so special that I have a Dom like him?

I heard him mutter something from the bed, and I left the bathroom and hoped to sneak out quietly. He looked like he was still asleep, but he had his arm out from under the blanket, hand splayed like he was searching for something. Tentatively, I tiptoed closer and climbed onto the bed beside him. I slipped under the blanket and lay on my side and placed my hand in his outstretched one.

He grunted and his hand tightened around mine, and then he pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around me and tucking me against his body, nuzzling his face into my neck as he spooned me. One of his hands grabbed roughly at my breast and squeezed hard enough to make me gasp and my eyes water.

The past two weeks had been emotionally draining on me, and I’d been working very hard to remind myself that Reuben was my Dom, not my boyfriend. But the way he was hugging me now, subconsciously in his sleep, it was hard to remember why I’d told him I wanted a dynamic and not a relationship.

He sighed, contentedly, and I heard him mutter, “My girl.” Then he went back to snoring quietly.

Tears streamed from my eyes and my heart thumped painfully in my chest, and I tried to keep my breathing steady as silent tears streamed down my face. I had no choice but to choose at that point: would I let myself love him? Or would I just let him top me?

Love is something you know, not something you feel.

If Reuben loved me, he would prove it. I had time. For now, I had no choice but to close that emotional door. Because if I fell in love with him, and he was just here for the power...Dear God over heaven and earth and the rest of the universe, I cannot take that.

I felt my heart wrench in my chest as his arms tightened around me. His lips moved to my neck, and I felt him smile against my neck.

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