Page 154 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

I nodded but he pushed me to elaborate, so I gave him a rundown of what Reuben had described.

“Are you okay with that? Do you want to change anything?”

“No. I want to get through this.”

“Walking through the door counts as getting through this.”

I huffed a sad laugh and smiled. “Yeah... it feels like it.”

“I’m going to watch you really fucking carefully, Sprite, and if I think you need to stop I’m going to call it. But I’d rather you call it. Actually I think it’s important that you use your safeword, even if you’re not freaked out or upset. I think you should use it just so you know you can. Just so you know you did.”

I took a deep breath and nodded again. “Yeah... I haven’t told him that, but I was planning on it.”

“It’s Scarlett, right?”

“Yeah. And Orange for a break.”

“I’m listening for Red, Yellow, No, and Stop, too.”

“You’re such a good person.”

He put his thumbs in his pockets and shrugged awkwardly. “I care about you. For the record, I told Reuben he needed a brat a few years ago, and he laughed at me. So you just earned me a hundred bucks. I think you two are going to be great together.” Looking me in the eye, he said softly, “He will absolutely take care of you. He cares so damn much, Sprite. He cares so much it’s going to break you in half.”

I wasn’t sure what to do with that, so I pushed him away and said, “Okay, enough emotional bullshit, I want my ass beat.”

He rolled his eyes and ruffled my hair and took up a spot in the corner on a stool, setting his elbows on his knees and clenching his fists.

Becca approached me next, a gentle smile on her face.

“Hey sweet girl.”

“You must not know me very well yet.”

It was our typical greeting, one we’d used for the past few years. It was almost a joke, and it felt good to make it.

“You sure this is what you want?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Ooh. Very respectful. I like it.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

Becca knew the way to my heart was sarcasm. She had a way of pulling the truth out of me by being brutally honest. “This was my idea, Alice,” she said. “And if it’s not right for you, then tell me to fuck off and I’ll cancel the whole thing. Hell, if you’d rather watch him top me, I’ll let that happen just so you know what to expect.”

I shook my head. “No, I think I’m good,” I said, standing up straighter.

“I’ll be listening for anything out of the ordinary. Red, yellow, pineapple.”

Red, yellow, pineapple.That was another running joke we’d had at The Underground. People used to say it during conversations when they wanted to halt the discussion and make a solid point.

I was safe here. I smiled and felt the tension release from my shoulders that I didn’t know I was holding.

“Okay... lay down then.” She gestured to the floor beside the rack, where she’d placed a yoga mat.

Smart woman. Not giving me time to think too much. I found myself walking to the mat and laying down. Becca made her way to the edge of the room. I laid down on my side, my back to the door, curled up in the fetal position, and closed my eyes.

It wasn’t until I closed my eyes and the room seemed to drop into silence that I allowed myself to even listen to the thoughts that were bombarding me. Knowing the purpose of our scene today was to put me back in a place where I had to confront what had happened to me suddenly sounded like the dumbest fucking idea I’d ever had.I’m crazy. I’m fucking crazy. Simon was right. Maybe I should just safeword right now and call it a day. This isn’t–

---