Page 136 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

I pursed my lips, swallowing the words. He’d told me to stay quiet. I needed him to know I was serious about this. This was my chance to prove to him I meant it, that I wasn’t a complete disaster, that he wasn’t crazy for thinking I was worth it. Maybe I could earn his forgiveness.

He leaned forward in his chair, putting his elbows on his knees, continuing to stare at me. He seemed to be trying to decide something. I clenched my jaw shut.He said to be quiet. I need to be quiet.

Finally, he spoke. “Alice... this is very fast. I expected us to talk and discuss a lot longer before we started this. Are you sure this is what you want? Because if we do this,” he cut over me before I could answer, “you’re going to hate me before you like me again. I told you weeks ago, your emotions at the time don’t matter. I don’t care if you like me, hate me, or love me, because those emotions are going to change for you day to day, hour to hour. I care whether you honor your commitment or not.

“And your commitment is that you will allow me to lead you. You promise to submit to me, and I promise to care for you and do what is best for you. I told you before, this isn’t a game to me. Iliketo play... but Ineedto lead.”

His needs before my wants. My needs before his wants. Reuben was a good man, and he cared about me, and he would take care of me. I knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt.Before I could second guess myself, I met his eyes. “Yes Sir.”

Chapter 34

Watching Alice struggleagainst her tears and fight to stay silent was a beautiful sight. Almost as beautiful as her bravely presenting herself to me. Even though I was pretty sure she didn’t know what it meant, she had chosen to do it because I had described it to her, told her how important it had been to me, and she had attempted to replicate that.

I sat there on my couch, studying her, trying to decide what to do.

She ghosted me,I thought.She made her choice. She tried to manipulate me into giving her what she wanted. That’s something I won’t stand for.

She said she doesn’t want a relationship, she only wants a dynamic. I tend to get emotionally involved. Even though her track record proves she’ll change her mind, I can’t guarantee that, and it’s not fair to assume that. We want different things. I hoped to talk more before we did this because I wanted her to open up to me before we start. This is a bad idea.

But it’sher. And she showed up today because she knew she made a mistake. That was extremely brave and took a lot of vulnerability. I told her to show up when she was ready, and I promised her I wouldn’t send her away.

Why are you even considering this? Not only is the vision gone, you do not have time to train a new submissive right now, especially one who is going to try to control you every step of the way.

I knew the answer to that. Any other sub who tried to manipulate me like Alice had on Saturday night, I would have laughed, told them to fuck off, and not even answered the door. But it washer. I wanted what I’d seen. I wanted to tame that snarky attitude. I wanted to see her brave enough to be good for me. I wanted a best friend and a confidant, and I knew she was supposed to be that person for me. I’d been working towards that for over half my life, and my heart wanted it, even though my head saidbad idea!

This is on me,I realized. That vision was gone because Alice made her choice.I can send her away. I can make my own future or wait for the next vision. This is my choice.

I tried to imagine a future without Alice in it. I tried to imagine telling her that this wasn’t going to work, that we weren’t compatible, that I had needs she didn’t feel compelled to satisfy, and asking her to leave. I knew it would destroy her, and I would hate myself for that. I wondered if maybe this was God’s way of giving me a final out, of letting me choose my path for the last time. Would I cave and submit to the vision He’d supplied? Or would I turn her away and hope for something better?

Wasthere something better than what the Master had for me?

The resolve settled on me like a weighted blanket. I was confident in my decision, and I was going to see it through. Alice might be the biggest disaster of a submissive I’d ever taken on, and I was fully aware this was far too early, but I wouldn’t be bored, I’d never be lonely, and she needed my affection as badly as I wanted to give it. Maybe, if we both broke a few rules, we’ll find something special underneath.

I asked her one more time. “Are you sure this is what you want?” I was going to have to go full out on her if I was going to reign her in, and she was going to hate me before she liked me again. I knew she’d probably try to break up. She’d push me. She’d challenge me.

But I wanted her. I wanted to tame her, to play with her, to guide her. I wanted to see her grow and evolve and learn to be brave. I wanted to see her at her best. I wanted to be part of watching her become the person she could be.

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