Page 111 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“He still dominated me sexually, although we didn’t have sex. He was in charge of when and who I was allowed to sleep with, and if and when I was allowed release.”

I fought a grin. Oh my God, ask him. I bet he did. I bet...

“Did you have to wear a cock cage?”

Reuben didn’t look as embarrassed as I thought he would. “Yes, for a while. If I was going to enforce chastity on my subs, I needed to know what it was like.”

“Uh... before we go any further,” I said, scooting a little closer to him in the open space between his legs. “I’m not okay with extended chastity and denial. You think I’m annoying now, you don’t even want to know what I’m like without an orgasm every few days.”

“We can discuss kinks and punishments tomorrow. For now... I’d like to know if you have any other questions about the things we’ve discussed.”

I thought through everything he’d said: about Savannah, the demons he battled, his experiences training and learning to be a good Dom. About Robin and Megan and the other girls.

“Reuben... I’m strictly monogamous. I don’t share well. I know you used to have lots of playmates, but...” he knew what I was saying, but allowed me to finish my statement. “Having to share my partner is a hard limit for me. If we’re just going to play a little, it’s fine. But not if we’re going to have a committed dynamic.”

“That’s not on the table, Alice. I don’t need anyone else but you.”

I loved hearing those words. I loved the way he looked at me, like he wanted to swallow me whole, or tie me down and just revel in the fact that I was here in front of him. He looked at me like he wanted to peek inside me, to find every single secret, study it, taste it. And it scared me, because he made me feel wanted, special, and valuable, when my brain constantly told me I was a hot mess and a piece of trash.

“You don’t know that,” I whispered, hating that truth. “You might decide five years from now that you want another slave. You’re a collector, Reuben. That’s not me.”

“I’m not a collector; I’m a teacher. But I haven’t done a scene with anyone except Becca in the past six years. I am not ruled by the Beast. I rule him.

“So yes, I do know. Five years from now, ten years from now, when I see a pretty slave girl that I like, I will not approach her. When I see a kitten in need of a master, I will not pursue her. When a man comes to me and asks me to train him, I will send him to a trusted friend. Because when it comes down to it, if that’s a hard limit of yours, I’ll respect it, period. You draw the lines, Alice. Your needs before my wants. My needs before your wants. That’s why it’s called a power exchange, sweetheart. You aren’t powerless here. This is our dynamic. Not mine that you have to try to fit into. We follow the rules... but we make them ourselves.”

I felt the heaviness in my heart lift a little. “So... I follow your rules and you follow mine?” I felt myself smile.

He hesitated, looking at me as if I were trying to trap him. Which, okay, I was a little. “Well, yes... but we both agree to them in advance. You can’t just throw a rule at me that I have to follow if we haven’t agreed on it. But the same goes for me. I can’t just decide one day that you’re on permanent chastity and that you’re not allowed to talk.”

“What if I change my mind about something? What if we try this and it doesn’t work? What if–”

He lowered his head and stared at me intently. “Then we sit down, just like this, and decide what to do instead.”

“And if I break rules?”

“You get punished.” He shrugged, like it was the simplest thing in the world. And I guess in a way, it was.

“And if I find loopholes?”

He paused, and I continued. “Because I feel like if I did exactly what you said, but you weren’t specific enough to get what you want, that’s on you, not me.”

“I bet you feel that way,” he muttered, and his expression changed to something dark that sent shivers down my spine. “Just know if you decide to play this game, I’m going to play right back.”

I grinned. “Of course... That’s what makes it fun.”

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