Page 96 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

I could tell she was upset about it, but I couldn’t take the risk.

When she was eighteen and I was nineteen, there was a day right after the first snow where we met on the bridge. I could see her mom in the woods, trying to hear our conversation, but Savannah didn’t know she was there. Savannah asked me to play with her, and I knew what she meant when she presented her wrists to me, fists clenched and wrists turned upward, as if handing over her servitude. It was lovely and it made me want to do exactly that: to take off the belt around my hips and wrap it around her wrists, and drag her along behind me like a little slave girl. In that moment of her offering herself to me, I felt so important, so needed, that it hurt a little.

I spoke quietly so as not to be overheard. “No, Savannah. Your parents still don’t trust me. One wrong move and I’m back in jail.” I held her wrists in my hand, feeling her pulse under her skin, and squeezing just enough to feel it intensify. “I bet they check your body at night, don’t they?”

She blushed.

“I bet your mom makes you show yourself to her to make sure I’m not hitting you under your clothes. Does she check your cunt too?”

Her mouth opened in shock at my language, but she shook her head. “No!”

“Yeah right.”

“They don’t control me. They can’t. I’m eighteen now.”

“I’m not doing a damn thing to you. If you don’t like our games, don’t play.”

She dropped her head and pulled away from me, trudging back into the house.

That night I got homea little earlier than normal from the bar. I’d hired some more help so I didn’t have to work such long days. I sank into my bed around midnight, feeling the aches from the long day slowly melt away.

There was a quiet knock on the window. I looked up to see Savannah standing there in the snow with her coat pulled tightly around her body.

“What are you doing,” I whispered when I opened the window.

“Let me in,” she said.

I pulled her through the window by her armpits, shutting the window against the cold.

“My parents are asleep,” she shrugged.

“What are you doing?”

“I... I want to have sex with you.”

I stared at her in astonishment. She’d never been that blunt or open.

“No, Savannah, get out.”

“I know you said those things because my mom was watching,” she said. “I saw her footprints on my way back into the house.”

“Savannah, I’m not having sex with you.”

“It’s supposed to hurt,” she whispered, setting her hands on my chest tentatively, like she wasn’t sure if I would let her. “For girls, I mean. The first time is supposed to hurt.”

I didn’t answer. I was imagining the idea of pushing myself into her and watching her face wrinkle in pain as I took her innocence. Instantly, I felt myself get hard.

Be smart,I told myself. “Savannah, we can’t–”

“You don’t really want some other guy to be my first, do you, Ben?”

That was enough to make me decide. I knew she was manipulating me, but I didn’t care.Hell no, nobody else was going to get that chance with her. I was going to be the one to take her first, to break her like that, nobody else. She was mine.

“Take your clothes off.”

Her hands shook as she watched me. She took off her coat and boots, then her jacket, then pulled her nightgown over her head. I’d seen her tiny little breasts get bigger over the past few months, and they were perky and slightly rounded, nipples sharp in the cold air. Her tummy and hips and filled out just a little bit, and she had a little bundle of blonde hair right above her cunt.

If she was going to manipulate me into giving me what she wanted, I was going to make the most of it.

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