Page 55 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“Fuck you,” I whispered.

“You’re going to apologize, and you are going to refrain in the future.”

Strike. I gasped at the pain, and a burst of laughter, or maybe shock, escaped from me. “Bet.”

Then he struck me again, much harder. The other strikes must have been to gauge my reaction, because this... this was brutal. I hated it. My whole body screamed with pain. He struck me over and over, not giving me a chance to recover, until every inch of me inside and out was trembling.

He laughed at me. “You’re dripping on the floor.”

He was right. I was so wet, and so desperate for release I couldn’t stand it. I felt broken. Helpless. Useless. Completely powerless.

Strike.

Cared for.

Strike.

Important to him.

Strike.

Beautiful.

I sobbed into the ground as I felt myself consciously admit that this was where I wanted to be. I breathed through the pain and the next series of strikes, drinking it in like hot medicine, letting the brightness of the pain explode behind my eyes. Reuben noticed the change in my body language, and struck me a few more times with vigor, and he groaned in pleasure.

It was that sweet moment from him that did me in. The overwhelming, blinding pain combined with the tremor of pleasure at the sound of his enjoyment of me overwhelmed my brain. My anguish and tension, and the brightness that had been building in me evaporated with my release on his final blow. I collapsed on my side, panting and crying and shuddering from the relief of my forced catharsis, my body buzzing and my head melting away into a fuzzy, distant place of complete submission and bliss.

Nothing mattered. I was safe here, floating in relief and free of all other emotions. Quiet. Relaxed.

Empty.

Distantly, I recognized he stepped off my hair and gathered me in his arms, carrying me like I weighed nothing. My eyelids fell shut and I felt my body press into his chest.

He carried me until we were back in my room, and he set me on the bed. Climbing on beside me, he let me rest my head on his chest, his strong arms holding me tight. With one hand he stroked my hair.

I could smell the sweat on his skin mixed with his cologne, and it tasted good on the back of my tongue. He was still breathing hard from the effort of beating me. He held me while I cried softly, catching my breath and relishing the quiet serenity of subspace.

After some unmeasurable amount of time, I felt like I’d woken up from a trance. I was back in my body, and although I still felt floaty and relaxed, I felt a little more like myself again.

I lifted my head and looked up at him. He was staring down at me, his dark brown eyes bright with excitement and pleasure.

He had a soft smile on his face. “You alright?”

I nodded.

“Are you going to keep flirting with useless frat boys?”

I shook my head.

“Hm. And why is that, Alice?” His voice was thick with satisfaction.

It would be so easy to give in, to go with it. To try, just one more time. To give him the benefit of the doubt, to trust him. Hell, I could fall for a man like Reuben if I let myself. I was halfway there already.

I could fight this,I thought.I could. I could totally... but I don’t want to. I want to let him win.

Maybe it was me being stupid, maybe it was my Borderline, maybe it was Alex’s suggestion, or the fact that I was still floating. But despite the war inside me and the fear clawing at the edge of my mind, I knew he was right. He wasn’t the kind of person I could avoid.

I never stood a chance.

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