Page 315 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

I paused, and he continued to speak.

“Alice. The only control I have over you is the control yougiveme. I’m fully aware of that, even if it hasn’t quite sunk in for you yet. Whether you let me hypnotize you or not, you give me the control I have over you. Yes, I can make you feel physical sensations with my voice. Yes, I can change your traumatic triggers to ones that feel nice instead... but only because you let me put you in that place. Because you trusted me enough to close your eyes, and relax, and...”

Melt away.

I swallowed. He wasn’t going to say it. But I wanted him to.

I missed the hypnosis. I missed the silencing of my brain, where nothing mattered except being good for him. It was like I had an excuse to do what he told me to do, an excuse to be a good girl instead of an asshole.

And I was beginning to realize that both were good. Being a brat was fun. His funishments, and even punishments, were amazing. I relished the way he put me in my place after I acted up. I needed to feel his domination over me, whether it was an angry look, or him caning my pussy, or holding me under a cold shower with a glare on his face.

But I also loved the look of satisfaction and pride on his face when I was good. The way he’d looked at me with such tenderness when I’d tried my best to soothe Jeff’s suffering at his dinner party, or when I’d sat with him and brought him his drink when he was going through Dom drop... Those moments were wonderful, too.

“I want to do it again,” I whispered. “But not yet. Not for a while.” I looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time since he’d come into my room.

His eyes were a little bloodshot.Oh my God, had I made him cry?My stomach dropped and I ran to him, throwing myself at him.

“Hey, bug.” I could hear the tenderness in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed, completely unable to control my tears. Practically screaming, I said to him, “I’m such a bitch, I hate myself for talking to you like that, and yelling at you, and I don’t hate you, and I’m so mean to you, and you’re so good to me, but I just–”

He silenced me by taking my face in his hands and kissing me. But it wasn’t a rough, violent, dominating kiss like he usually did. No, this was sweet, and tender. He was gentle, and he nibbled at my mouth, letting his tongue brush and nudge against my lips just a little.

He kissed me like he loved me.

I tried to speak around his insistent affection. “Sir... please... I’m sorry...”

“Hush.” Another kiss. The tips of his fingers brushed my tears away. “This is your punishment.”

“How is this... a punishment?”

“You hate my kindness... don’t you, little bug?”

“Mh-hm.”

“So... you’re going to have to take it. I forgive you, beautiful girl. Now hush, and let me love you.”

We finished our pizzaand I tried to be nice. He’d told me before that his aftercare was knowing I was okay, but I also knew that today, he needed more than that. Especially for what I put him through.

My mood was still jumping around, and I fluctuated between hating myself, and trying to be nice and sweet and take care of him. It wasn’t working very well. We were both tired and emotionally drained, so we ended up just snuggling on the couch under a blanket. He watched Castlevania, and I ate rocky road ice cream. Eventually, he told me it was time for bed. He was so warm and snuggly though, I didn’t want to sleep alone in my bed.

I looked up at him with the most pitiful expression I could manage.

“What is it, monster girl?” He threaded his arms under my back and my legs, picking me up like I weighed nothing. Carrying me back towards the hallway, he set me down in the bathroom.

“But... but...”

“Brush your teeth and clean up, okay?”

“But I’m tired.”

“Me too. Hurry up. I’m going to go clean up myself.”

I brushed my teeth quickly, threw my hair into a bun on top of my head, and then snuck down the hall and peeked into his room. Maybe if I snuck into his bed before he was finished and pretended to be asleep, he wouldn’t kick me out.

He was already lying in his bed, his hands folded behind his head. He looked over at me when he saw me. “There you are.”

“Were you just going to go to bed without tucking me in?” My voice shook at the betrayal.

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