Page 278 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

Simon? He was at his shop at this hour. I called him. He answered, told me he hadn’t seen her but that he’d let me know if he saw her, and to try not to worry. “I told you, this is pretty normal for her.”

“She seemed so happy. We had a great scene–”

“An intimate scene?”

I hesitated. “Well... not really, but... intimate aftercare...”

“She’ll be back, Weston. She’s probably having a panic attack.” He spoke so calmly about the situation.I could hear the buzz of his tattoo gun in the background.

“And you expect me to stay calm and just wait for her to come back? While she’s having apanic attack!”I tried not to scream at my friend, but now I was stressed, scared, and my heart was beating too fast. “I can’t let her just have a panic attack by herself! What if she hurts herself! What if she–”

“Weston,” Simon interrupted me, remarkably calmly. “She’s fine. She ran off, now she’s scared she’s going to be in trouble, and she’s getting her guts back up to come home. Don’t be too harsh on her when she gets back, or she’ll pull away from you. Have to go. I’ll let you know if I see her.” He hung up.

I spent the next four hours pacing and trying not to panic. I called Alice multiple times, texted her several times, assuring her she wasn’t in trouble and that I just wanted her to tell me she was alive and not in a ditch somewhere, but there was no response. I drove past Woodrow’s house twice and didn’t see Alice’s car. I was about ready to call Lindsay when Simon texted me.

Simon: She’s at my house. Got here while I was at the shop.

Reuben: Thank God. I’m coming by.

Simon: No.

I stared at the text. What did he mean, no?

Reuben: Why not? Is she okay?

Not knowing how else to burn off my emotions, I found myself in my gym again. I was tired after the day, but my hands were shaking with rage and nerves, but also the sheer relief that she wasn’t hurt, lost, or stolen.

And I was angry. Angry that she’d run off and gone to his house, and not even responded to my texts or calls. I was furious. If she saw me right now...

Maybe it was a good thing she wasn’t here.

I ran for longer than I normally did. Almost forty minutes of running and several rounds of weights later, I finally got another text from Simon.

Simon: She’s drunk and emotional. Got scared. I’ll drop her off in a bit. Calm down and order some food, Weston. She’s fine.

Around midnight, Simon’sJeep Cherokee pulled into the driveway. He helped Alice out of the passenger seat, and I watched from the doorway as he put a hand on her back, counseling her on something. She took a deep breath, nodded, then squared her shoulders and turned to face me.

Her face was washed clean of the makeup she’d worn earlier, and her face was a little puffy. She’d probably been crying, and I know she’d been drinking. She walked slowly towards me, gripping her purse, her hands clenched hard enough that I could see her knuckles white under the floodlights.

God, it was such a relief to see her. All the fears of losing her hit me like a smack in the face. The thoughts I had not wanted to confront in the midst of my panic... the uselessness, the fear that she’d never return, the idea that I may have scared her off... She was home now, and I felt like I could breathe again.

I held my arms out to her for an embrace. She looked at me warily, took one of my hands in hers, and walked into the house, effectively rejecting my hug.

She’d never done that before.

Inside, she hung her purse on the hook I’d installed for her and kicked her shoes off. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls as she calmly made her way to the living room, sitting on the ottoman and crossing her feet.

Usually we sat on the couch. Usually she was all over me. She’d seemed so happy this week... Maybe Simon was right. Maybe she just freaked out.

She looked at me, waiting for something. I was barely breathing, waiting for whatever she was about to say.

“I want to renegotiate.”

“Okay,” I whispered, and made my way towards the chair. I kept my feet on the ground, not wanting to invade her personal space that she was so clearly trying to keep.

“Reuben,” she said, “These past few months have been amazing, and I need you to know that I am happy with you.”

That was a relief to hear. I hoped it was true. She seemed to be reciting something she’d rehearsed.

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