Page 250 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“I ate lunch today.”

“Oh yeah? What did you have?”

“A croissant.”

“That is not lunch, that’s a pastry.”

“A croissant with ham and cheese and lettuce on it.”

“Oh... well that’s different, silly girl. Good job.”

“I know. I was just teasing.”

“Did you have any sugar today?”

“No, even though Ireallywanted to, I didn’t.”

“That’s my good girl.”

She sighed contentedly. “Just for today.”

“Just for today, huh?”

“M-hmm. Tomorrow I’m going to be evil again.”

“Youplanthis shit?”

“Yeah. It’s on my Outlook calendar.”

I scoffed. “Can I have a few more good girl days?”

“Hm...” she tapped her lips, and then smiled. “Just a few.”

“Thank you.”

Another long pause where both of us just sat, content in the silence, and I could feel some of the insecurity from my earlier thoughts draining away from me.

“Why are you sad?”

How to explain what I felt to her without making her feel guilty for her needs?“A lot of things... bad meetings, some bad phone calls... arguing with people who think they know better than me just because they have college degrees...”

“People gave you shit for not going to college? You’re like a gazillionaire and own half the businesses in the district.”

I felt a small smile pull at my lips. “I’m not, and I don’t, but I’ll take the compliment.”

“Well boo on them, I guess.”

“I guess.” Talking to her did seem to help clear my head a little, so I continued. “Then there was a bunch of other shit that happened... a situation at the hotel... one of the rescues ran away from her caregiver... I spilled my fucking coffee... I don’t know, Alice. And there was something Megan said the other day that hit me, and I’ve been trying to work through it.”

“What did Megan say? Was she mean to you? I’ll throw soda on her.”

I shook my head. “No, nothing mean. She just reminded me that I’ve been a little distant over the past few years, and... maybe instead of blaming other people, or God, I should take responsibility. It’s my fault I didn’t find you sooner. You were right here, Alice...

“Then again, it probably would have ended poorly if I’d found you earlier anyway, because I wasn’t in a good mental place. And the last thing I want to do is hurt you worse. Who am I kidding. That’s exactly what would have happened.”

Alice sat up. “Reuben.” She waited until I looked at her before she continued. “You’re dropping.”

Fucking hell, she was right. My mood, my energy, my fears, my insecurity... that scene yesterday had been intense for both of us, and I’d coasted on the high of the control I’d had over her for the rest of the evening. We’d done some basic aftercare, cuddling, and snacks, but Alice bounced back quickly and had gone back to the bar to chat with Julia and Nicole, giggling with the three of them like schoolgirls. She was an angel for the rest of the night.

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