Page 243 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

Chapter 52

Iexited the storagecloset where we kept the extra kink gear, the toys I’d chosen shoved in my back pocket. My eyes immediately flashed to the bar. Megan was standing there looking a little nervous. Alice, as I figured, was nowhere to be seen.

But I learned from the other day that she was quite good at hiding. I wasn’t going to tear the place apart looking for her. She’d get bored and come out and find me when she was ready to be punished, or when she got hungry enough.

I took Alice’s spot at the bar, scanning the room for any sign of chaos, but found nothing other than Simon Pierce smirking at his cell phone. Eventually my gaze fell back on Megan. She wouldn’t look at me.

“You work here now?” I asked playfully. She knew I was joking.

“No,” she said, looking towards the kitchen door. “Noah is on a call... bidding away our life savings trying to get into that townhouse. But I like to make drinks, so I help him out when I can.”

“That’s sweet of you.”

She shrugged. She had that look on her face where she worked her mouth, wanting to say something, but feeling like she shouldn’t. I knew that look well. It was something she’d always struggled with.

Finally she said, “You look a lot happier.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. She was right, I was happy. It was something that snuck up on me. Sure I was tired, but I was tired all the time. Mentally and emotionally, Alice was exhausting, but also invigorating. I felt like she had yanked me up out of my hole of self-pity, forcing me to confront the fact that I’d avoided facing my desires for the past few years. She gave me no choice but to tame her. She gave me no choice but to be myself with her.

And shelikedme that way.

“I am.”

“How did you find her?” Megan leaned forward and put her elbows on the bar, a timid smile on her face.

It was strange, talking to Megan like this. We’d had minimal conversations over the past few years, but lately, she’d felt more confident and open to speaking honestly with me. It was a taste of the openness we’d had before, and it was bittersweet... but good.

I smirked and said, loudly, “I found her where you’d expect to find roadkill... on the side of the road, begging for attention.” I lifted my finger to my lips, and she swallowed a laugh. I listened carefully for Alice’s giggle, swearing, or shouted insult, but heard nothing.

“I found her at church back in Cullowhee, of all places. Never expected that, to be honest. I always thought I’d find her here in the district. What’s really pissing me off, though, is that it seems that even though I’ve mentioned my vision to some of my friends, looked for her, and lived here for nearly half of my life, she’s been living in DC for the pastnine yearsand knows half my friends and contacts. Somehow in all that time, I managednotto run into her.”

“Well... to be fair, you haven’t really beenaroundmuch over the past five.”

“I’m always here,” I said. “I’m here more than I’m down in North Carolina.”

“Well, yeah, but when you’re here, you’re not reallyhere. You’re working. You go to your hotels and meetings, you spend time at The Weston House. You’ve come to The Lounge a total of nine times in the past five years, and you don’t stay long. You never go to the Underground, from what I hear.”

She had a point. I realized I’d been waiting for Alice to find me, rather than actively looking for her.

“Maybe, you just weren’t ready to find her yet.”

At her statement, I felt myself want to argue. I’d been ready to find her for so long. Looking, hoping...

But had I? Or had I spent the past few years horrified at the idea of finding another submissive to fail? Of finding the girl of my dreams only for me to not be enough for her? For her to see what I was really like, for me to open up to her, and for her to not like what she saw?

Shit.

Megan was right. I’d been hoping,and waiting, but notlooking. That was probably half the reason I was so mad when I found her... because I hadn’twantedto.

And then she showed up like a meteorite, slamming right down in front of my feet and shattering any possible option for me to pretend anymore.

---