Page 237 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“He had his friends over for a card game.”

“Poker night. Yeah, those were always fun.”

Back when I’d been with Woodrow, I’d enjoyed poker night. He had five or six buddies he’d have over, and I’d strut around in leather or latex, or nothing, and let them ogle me. Then the winner would hit me, fuck me, or whatever, while the others watched. For a slut, it was fun, back when it was safe.

When Iwantedit. When I wasokaywith it, and I knew I could stop it if I needed to. It wouldn’t be fun if I knew I was going to be raped, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Those guys were brutal when they wanted to be.

“I heard them talking about what they were going to do, what the winner got... I snuck into the bathroom, and someone had left their phone in there. I texted Mister Weston and he came and got me. They barely got started when he called...”

She looked up from her clasped hands. “Is Mister Weston kind to you?”

Oh, how to answer that question.

Yeah, he’s great. Shoved a raw ginger root up my asshole last night and spanked me until I exploded in a pain-gasm.

“He’s very good to me. He’s... the best Dom I’ve ever had,” I whispered, the realization hitting me pretty hard. I’d never had a Dom like Reuben before. I’d never felt so respected or cared for, so owned, so desired, by anyone else. And I knew for sure he would respect my limits. He’d proved that early on.

Hell, he’d proved it today.

“He’s a good Master.”

“He’s not your Master,” I said, before I could really measure my words. “He wants your freedom and your safety, not your slavery.”

“I know, I know that... it’s just... that’s not what I meant. That’s just the word that came out. I’ve had a lot of masters. He has always been kind to me.”

“He’s a good man, and he cares a lot. He’s...” I remembered what Simon had said to me, about how he cares so much. “He loves really hard.”

“I wish I...” she pursed her lips and shook her head, as if to dismiss an idea.

“What? I mean, you don’t have to say it if you don’t want to. But you can. If you want to.”

She swallowed, looked back at her hands, and then looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “I wish I could find my own. Like him. I want my... My kinsman redeemer.”

That phrase sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. Maybe Reuben would know what it meant. I nodded, accepting that the confession had been big for her to admit, and tried not to be awkward about watching the tears dripping down her cheeks.

“I was raised religious, you know? I grew up in the church. And I just feel like... I’m back on track, and I can move forward, but I’m still broken. Anddirty. And... ruined. And only my kinsman redeemer will see me as anything other than impure. Because I don’t think I can see myself as anything other than impure.”

Nothing came to mind that would even begin to encourage her. “Yeah. I get it.”

Because I knew that beliefs about yourself like that were usually rooted so deep that they couldn’t be changed by an anecdote, or a mantra said in the mirror.

The door flew open. Reuben had a plate of vegetables and some bread and a glass of something with him. He saw me sitting on the bed beside her, and his forehead creased.

“There you are, little bug. I was looking for you.”

“Sorry, Sir,” I said, standing up. “I was talking to Rachel.”

“I can see that. And you made her cry. That wasn’t very nice.” He set the plate and glass on Rachel’s desk, and then stood beside me.

Rachel wiped at her face. “No, it wasn’t her fault. I’ve just had a lot on my mind. Actually... Alice and I... um, it was nice.”

“I’ll come back and see you again, and we can talk more, if you want!”

“I’d like that.”

“Okay!” I gave her a quick hug. Right before I pulled away, she put her arms around me and squeezed, and I felt her set her forehead against my shoulder for just a moment, taking in a shuddering breath.

We pulled away from each other and I gave her a smile, and then took Reuben’s proffered hand and left her to her dinner.

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