Page 186 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

She worked her mouth, and looked away from me, resolutely deciding to maintain her silence. But she held her position as best she could. There was only so long she’d be able to stay there, though. Her arms were already starting to droop, and she couldn’t stand being bored.

I, on the other hand, was permanently tired, and had no problem sitting on the couch and doing nothing for as long as I needed to.

While I waited for her to get bored enough to talk to me, I extracted the plastic bag from the glass, and attempted to pour the shot of whiskey into the glass without making too much of a mess. I succeeded, tasting it tentatively to be sure she hadn’t added anything suspicious to it. It tasted fine, though it was a little awkward to drink out of a water glass.

After a few minutes I could see the fight leaving her eyes. She was uncomfortable and angry, and she probably wanted to tell me how she felt because it was burning her up. She was only fighting on the principle of the matter. By the time I had finished half the glass, she was working up the courage to speak. I waited her out, refusing to ask her again.

“I just...” she swallowed. “You justtoldme to go back. You didn’t evenask. You just told me, like you’re my boss or something. Like I had no say. I thought we weren’t doing that.”

“You always have a say in our dynamic. You chose not tosayanything. You shut down on me. That’s why we’re talking now.”

“I just think it would have been nicer if youaskedme, not just demanded it.”

I tilted her chin up. “I think you misunderstood me. Ididask you. I said it would be a good idea for you to go back, I didn’t order you. I suggested it. If that bothered you, you should have clarified.

“Alice, I have no problem changing my requests, my orders, or even the way I speak to you based on your needs or your feelings. But if you give me the silent treatment and start acting like a little bitch every time you’re unhappy or hurt,I can’t change my behavior. So how about next time you’re unhappy, you talk to me about it like a big girl instead of a spoiled little child?”

She rolled her eyes. Five for the spank bank. “Will that even do any good,” she snapped. “Because in my experience, what the Dom says goes, no questions asked.”

“Well, let’s consider your experiences for a minute.” I counted my fingers in front of her face, speaking softly. “You had a new Dom with no experience top you without negotiation. You had a user and a cheat. You had a psychopath, a few non-committed playmates who bailed when it got hard, and then a gaslighter and manipulator whokidnappedyou. So yes, I can see how you would assume that. But that’s not how it works with me, because I’m not them. Now tell me why you don’t want to go to Cullowhee.”

She was crying again.Always crying, the pretty thing. Her lip quivered and she took a deep breath. “Because... because I don’t... want you to... decide you... like it better when I’m not around.” Her eyes fell closed.

I huffed a laugh as I thumbed her tears away, smearing her eyeliner, then readjusted her posture so her hands were in her lap. “Look at me.” She opened her eyes and I ran my finger over her lip. She opened her mouth for it, but I tapped her on the nose. “No... just let me touch you. Good. That’s my girl. Alice, do you know how miserable I was the few days I was up here without you?”

Hope almost seemed to blossom in her face. “No, Sir.”

“You should ask Simon and Becca. They had to deal with my sullen behavior. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I wish I hadn’t–”

“No. You’re forgiven for that, remember?” She nodded. “You don’t need to feel bad about that, because you’ve already apologized and have been forgiven. I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad. I told you that because I don’t think I’ve done a good job explaining to you how attached to you I’ve become. I’m going to miss you while you’re gone. But, sweetheart, you only have three t-shirts, and you’re out of socks. And as much as I love you naked, you need some more clothes if you’re going to be up here with me for the next two months,which is my preference. I need you to pick up some work dresses and a few pairs of shoes besides those cute boots you like to wear so I can take you out.

“I also want you to collect that folder of paperwork you left in your bedroom in my house. I’d like to make copies and keep it somewhere safe.

“And... I had packed a box of toys for us to play with, and some of your harness with no neck segments. But when you ghosted me last week, I left them behind. I’d love for you to bring those up too.”

She leaned her face into my hand and smiled softly.

“See? I don’t hate you. Ilikeyou. You really think I would put up with your shit if I didn’t?”

Her smile intensified and she met my gaze. “Okay.”

“Now. What else do you need to tell me? What else are you upset about?”

She thought for a few minutes before she said, “Why don’t you want me to go to The Weston House?”

Good girl, trying hard to trust me.“I don’t think you understand what you’re going to see when they arrive, little bug. Even I don’t know what to expect. The last batch, we had six that were suicidal, two whosucceeded, and one who wouldn’t stop screaming until we sedated her. It turned out she had a broken foot and was in excruciating pain, but she couldn’t communicate that to us. Three wouldn’t look anyone in the eyes, four didn’t speak English, and one of them was eight years old and already shaking from drug withdrawals.

“You don’t want to see that. I want you to meet some of the girls who are doing well, see what the process looks like, maybe even sit into some group therapy sessions first, before you are there when a new group comes in. Because when we bring a new group in, it is all-hands on deck, and their safety and survival is our top priority. Everybody has a job, we have a process, and... you don’t have a role in that yet.

“I think it’ll upset you, and part of my job is to be there for those girls and try to reach them from the start. The first few moments I spend with them are very important. I don’t want to be worried about you having a panic attack, or needing me while I’m trying to help them and get them settled. And you’re my top priority, so if that happened, I would divert to you.”

At my words, the concern and the frustration settled into acceptance. “You’re probably right... I know you’re right.”

“So what pissed you off?”

“Like I said. You didn’t even ask. You didn’t explain it. You just gave me no say in the matter.”

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