Page 157 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“It absolutely does,” she said. Simon was nodding. “I’m really glad you chose to do what you did.”

“Me too,” Reuben said.

“I feel like part of me only freaked out because weplannedon me freaking out, and I would have been okay with our old plan if I hadn’t psyched myself out... but I’m also glad we did this, because like you said, I have to process it. Is that normal?”

“Absolutely,” Becca said. “And you didn’t psych yourself out, youallowedyourself to get through what you needed to get through. That’s why scenes like this work. They put you back in that place and give you control over the situation. You did really well, Alice.”

Reuben was nodding. “Yes. What else do you need? Are you okay? You told me cuddles and snacks, but I get the feeling you need more than that.”

“She likes ice cream, and bubble baths, and loves having her butt rubbed,” Simon said.

I tried to hide my smile as I buried my face in Reuben’s chest. Simon wasn’t wrong. There was something weird, therapeutic, and a little sexy about having my butt rubbed.

Reuben laughed and laid on his back, pulling me against him and letting his hands fall to my ass, rubbing small circles. “Were you going to admit to that?”

“I mean, eventually,” I sighed. “I’m loving this weighted blanket though.”

“You need to tell me what you like, little bug. I’ll give it to you, I promise. My aftercare is giving you aftercare. I need to know you’re happy and okay. That’s what keepsmehappy and okay.”

“Okay, well... Can we get tacos? There’s this super good food truck over on thirty-second street. They barely speak English, but their tacos areso good,and you can order, like, one of each of their different kinds, and they give you a ton of cilantro–”

“Yes, we can get tacos. Look at me.” Reuben’s voice cut through my rambling. I sat up and crossed my legs. The weighted blanket wrapped around us fell off my shoulders, and I felt like I was still floating on endorphins.

“You did something really scary today. Are we good? Do you want to crash with Simon tonight? Do you feel safe?”

“Simon?” I asked softly. “No, I want to stay with you.”

“I just worry I’ve upset you. Like maybe you need some space.”

I felt my eyes water. “Please don’t make me go away. I just want tacos and hugs and maybe we can watch a movie? We can watch your nerd tv show. Can I stay with you?”

The concern melted away from his face and he hugged me against his chest. “You can stay with me for as long as you want. You’re mine, remember?”

Chapter 37

Walking into that roomwas one of the hardest things I’ve done in a long time. My gut told me if it went poorly, it would destroy the tiny bit of trust I’d established with her.

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