Page 145 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“You need glasses,” Alice said, plopping herself down beside me. She was holdingThe New Bottoming Book. She opened it and began to read.

“I do not.” I pulled my hands away from my eyes, which were only tired because I’d been sitting too close to the screen.

“Yeah,you do. Mister Squinty-eyes. Also, the demographic of people you want to market your restaurant to doesn’t watch TV unless it’s on their phone, and they never watch commercials. So your agent is right, you need to do some social media stuff if you want that new place to take off.”

I looked down at her. I hadn’t realized she’d listened to the conversation. She was also two pages into the book, and there was no way she could read that fast. She was just being obnoxious.

“And you are suddenly the expert in social networking and media branding?”

“No, but I’ve only made two videos on TikTok so far, and I already have three hundred followers.”

I looked at the clock. “Alice, it’s been less than eight hours since we had that conversation.”

“You know, you should do some videos with me.” She used the book to gesture to herself, waving it around as she spoke. “I can do an account for you, and I can film you making dinner every night! And you can talk about your new restaurant, and then you wouldn’t have to do anything extra to promote it.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, plucking the book from her hands. I had a blog and an Instagram account, and Mister Isaka was reaching out to some tv shows and planning some commercials.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do all the work. Oooh, and you could make a guest appearance on Sophie’s YouTube show. Maybe have her come here and cook in your fancy kitchen! She does southern comfort food!”

Alice had a point. Sophie’s recipes were in line with what I was hoping to build. But I wasn’t sure about a new social media platform that I didn’t have time to manage or learn.

Before I had a chance to argue, she smirked and put her hands on her hips, saying, “I bet you twenty spankings that I can make a video of you making dinner tonight and it’ll have a hundred likes by bedtime.”

“Twenty spankings, huh?” I resisted a smile. “So, we’re using those as currency now?”

“Sure,” she grinned evilly. “And if I win, it means I get to spankyou.”

“No, it does not.”

“Sure it does. You win, you get to spank me. I win, I get to spank you.”

“Absolutely not.” I pushed my chair away from my desk. “I think if I win, I get to spank you, and if you win, you get bragging rights. That should be reward enough.”

“If I win, you go to the eye doctor and get some fucking glasses, ‘cause you’reblind, old man.” she pointed at me and stuck out her hip, pursing her lips.

Don’t grab her by the throat. Don’t... grab her... by the throat...

I stood up and looked down at her, raising an eyebrow and crossing my arms over my chest. She blushed and shrunk back slightly, but there was fight in her eyes. I loved the way something as simple as me standing up and glaring at her got a response.Thirsty little slut.

“First of all, I am not blind. I can see perfectly fine. Second, I am only forty, I’m not that old. And you’re not that far away from me.”

“I’m barely thirty!”

“You’rethirty-three. You’re only seven years younger than me, you little snot.”

“Are you sure? I think I’m twenty-six.”

I rolled my eyes and put a hand on her shoulder, leading her towards the kitchen. “Yeah, and you act like you’reeight. Come on, get your phone and let’s go make your stupid video so I can spank you later.”

Alice took immensepleasure in teasing me about being a thirst trap while cooking, and even suggested I remove my shirt for the video, which I struck down immediately. She also asked copious stupid questions, made snarky comments at every possible turn, and generally tested my patience until I nearly gave up on lasagna and threatened to make “brat pie” instead. Her resulting comment? “Oh, you can put your fingers in my pie, Sir.”

We finally finished making dinner – and by “we,” I mean I made dinner and she was annoying – but it resulted in a superb lasagna with freshly grated cheese, lots of garlic, and a ricotta cheese mixture featuring sage and butternut squash that took the casserole to the next level. She posted her video and we sat down to eat.

“So, can you explain to me why you rearranged my entire library today?”

“Well, they were all out of order,” she said with complete seriousness. “I fixed it.”

“They were organized by topic. Now I’m not going to be able to find anything when I want to.”

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