Page 118 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

Reuben was standing right in front of me now. “And what would happen if I rigged you up so that both of those things were happening at the same time?”

I swallowed. “I would have to stay still.”

His eyes were practically glowing, and his voice had dropped to that low, steady, intentional tone he used to intimidate. “Very, very still... and there are so many things I could do to you that would make it impossible to stay still. Floggers... feathers... vibrators...”

I felt my face burn and my mouth pop open. “That’s so evil... I love it.”

His lips quirked. “So do I. The possibilities are truly endless.”

I bit my lip in expectation. Would he want to play today? I could feel my heart rate picking up, and I was getting wet.Oh this is bad. This man already has far too much control over my body.

Reuben continued speaking as if we were discussing the weather, and he circled around me slowly as he spoke. “Impact is one of my biggest kinks as well, but I’m sure you figured that out. Humiliation, degradation, and denial.”

“I love all of that. I’m pretty open to almost everything...”

I felt him standing behind me. I could tell he wanted to touch me, but he resisted the urge. I itched for contact, but he stayed just a few inches away from me, not touching me. He leaned down and whispered right beside my ear. “I want you to enjoy your time down here, Alice. I don’t want you to be terrified of this room, or what I’ll do to you down here.”

“I like to be terrified.”

“Okay... I don’t want youtraumatized. I need you to tell me your limits. I need to know what is off the table, and what would be upsetting to you.”

I eyed the metal bars attached to the wall, wondering about their setup and what they were for. I tried to imagine something that Reuben would do to me that I would be uncomfortable with.

“I don’t want to be left alone,” I whispered. “Don’t tie me up and lock me down here in the dark. I can’t do that.”

“Never,” he said, a harshness in his voice. “That’s completely irresponsible.”

“Yeah, well, I lived chained to a rack in the dark for several days, and I’d like to not repeat it.”

He finally put his hands on me. They rested on my shoulders, squeezing slightly. “I play responsibly, Alice. You can’t play with your toys if you break them. What else?”

“I think... for now... I’d like to avoid the whip.” I shivered at his extensive collection of them on his pegboard. He had several of them in different lengths, widths, and materials. “I hate to say that because I think you like them–”

“That’s fine, Alice. It’ll be on you to ask for it, understand?”

I nodded.

“What else?”

I didn’t want to say it, because I knew someone with such a love of bondage would have a collection but...

“Collars. For now... collars. I can’t,” I said, turning around and meeting his eye. “I’m sorry, but your hand feels good, and I love being choked, but I can’t... I think I’ll freak. He didn’t... he didn’t give me a choice. He locked it on. And...” my hand went to my neck and I felt the little scar there. My reminder not to jump into any more relationships with men who liked to hurt the women they loved.

So much for that. I was drawn to sadists like a magnet.

He knelt in front of me, which felt disorienting. We were nearly eye to eye this way. Reuben took my hand away from my neck, studying the mark.

“What happened?”

“I cut myself, straining to get away. He... he locked a metal collar shut around my neck. It was too tight, and I couldn’t breathe, and I pulled at it–”

“Alice, look at me.” His voice was calm and he snapped his fingers in my ear. “Look at me. Good... that’s better. Enough about the collars. We won’t use them. You don’t have to explain yourself. You set your limits, and that’s that. No compromises. Okay?”

I nodded. The panic rising in me slowly started to recede. I wondered if I’d ever actually be able to do a planned impact scene with him. Would I freak out and lose my shit as soon as he took me down here and chained me to that cross?

I didn’t have time to think about it. He rose to his full height and took my hand, leading me out of the darkness and back up the stairs. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, like I could breathe again.

It was weird, being turned on and triggered at the same time. I wanted it, but I feared it. I hated it, but I loved it.

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