Page 106 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“Please, Alice, let me finish.”

“No, Reuben, I can’t.”

“Alice please. Just... tell me what part upset you.”

At his words, my panic increased, and my rage built. Don’t do anything stupid, I warned myself. Reuben had already proven to me that he was willing to make a move against me if he felt compelled, and I didn’t want to say anything to set him off. But... I didn’t listen to my conscience very well.

“There are a lot of things actually, and I’d like to leave so I can think about them.”

“Alice... there’s more,” he whispered.

“Oh. Okay. Sure,” I snapped. “More than you basically doing the exact same thing to Megan that my Daddy did to me?”

His face contorted in shock and confusion, but I continued. “Did you hand off your other subs too? Or did you just leave them high and dry? Yeah, telling me the rest will definitely put you back in my good graces. Move before I call Alex to come and kill you for me.”

The concern on his face evaporated. “Oh... sweetheart... I didn’t send Megan away.”

“You just said you did! You got in a car accident, Robin died, and–”

“Megan left, Alice.”

I snapped my mouth shut and held my breath.

“I released some of my other submissives because I knew I needed to take a step back and focus on healing myself. I was injured in the car accident, and traumatized. None of them were collared; they were just playmates and part-time dynamics. But Megan left of her own accord because without Robin, she felt unneeded. And she was right. Without Robin, Megan was left with very little to do other than take my bullying and my sadism... and she’s not a masochist. She didn’t like the same things I did, and even when she became my slave and she gave up her limits for me, I still never broke them. But she felt like I was settling for her, like I was keeping her around only because I had made a promise and signed a piece of paper.

“Megan also had a very angry perspective on religion because of some of her own upbringing. After the accident, I felt like I had no choice but to go back to church, because He would continue to take things away from me until I returned to His feet. Part of that was giving up sex outside of marriage, and Megan had a hard limit against marriage. My refocus on a God that offended her, and the drastic change in our lifestyle and our dynamic bothered her. My depression just made things worse. She had a safeword I’d given her for the purpose of renegotiating if absolutely necessary... and she used it.

“We tried to renegotiate, to find something that would work for both of us, but in the end, she was unhappy, I was depressed and I felt like I failed her, and we decided to separate.”

I dropped my head. That was a totally different outcome than I expected. He hadn’t had a harem of girls that he’d sent away. He’d had two, and he’d lost both.

“I had to take her to a metalworker to remove her collar, Alice. I’d welded it shut. I planned to keep Megan until the day I died. I would never, ever send her away. But I failed her, and she was hurt. So she left.”

Great. That’s just great. Now I’m crying again.

I covered my mouth with my hands and tried to calm down. Reuben extended a hand to me, but I backed up, not wanting his hands on me yet.

“You didn’t... you didn’t send her away?” I felt like I was grasping at that tiny string, trying to salvage it.

“No. It was her choice to leave. Ultimately, she made the right decision. As much as I loved her and loved the role she filled for me, she was right. Things changed when Robin died, and I was miserable, and she felt useless. A service sub who feels useless is a service sub neglected. It just... didn’t work out. She’s happy now. She’s seeing a friend of mine.”

I still held my notebook to my chest, wiping my tears away, trying to keep my breathing even and my hands from shaking too bad. “So you treated her just like all your other girls in the end. You say you loved her, but really, you trained her until you didn’t need her anymore, and handed her off. That’s not my kink, Reuben. I don’t want to be with someone for two years, or five years, or ten years, and then be given away because I’m not convenient. Because I’m not enough.”

“What are you talking about? Why would I... Alice. You’re mine, I’m not going to hand you off!”

“Obviously,” I said, stomping my foot. “’Cause you can’t! Now move and let me go home!”

Something hardened in Reuben’s eyes, and I saw that beast he referred to. Terrified, I slunk back. Oh my God, it’s happening again. He’s going to lock me in the basement, or in his dungeon, or in the trunk of his car, and make me into his slave.

Let me go. Don’t send me away. Both thoughts were rattling around my head and my heart.

“Alice... I can’t. Not when you’re finally here. Not when I’ve finally found you.” He took slow, measured steps towards me, and I heard him change his voice to that quiet, low growl he used when he wanted control. “Not when everything in my life has been leading me to you.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I will destroy you.”

“I’m beginning to believe that.”

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