Page 105 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

I stopped paying attention to them when my mom slipped and fell in the shower and died. I was livid with God, angry because He hadn’t warned me, hadn’t given me a way to stop it or fix it. And if that was the case, that meant that it was His will that my mother died a humiliating death, drowning in the bathtub for her son to find. And I couldn’t stand for that.

From that point on, I ignored the visions. I still got one or two very occasionally, but I rejected the information and refused to acknowledge them. The things I saw happen never ended up happening. Either God had moved on to warning someone else, or it was never God to begin with, and either way, I didn’t care. After a while, I stopped having them. All except that one, that face and the few words that I didn’t understand.I saw that one every single night. Those eyes, and that phrase, repeating over and over.

Then one night I woke up in a cold sweat, screaming. Megan was trying to calm me down, and I was on the verge of a panic attack. I’d seen something horrendous and had a vision for the first time in years.

In my vision, I was in the car with Robin on our way to the park, and there was a huge car accident on the highway. A rod had come loose from a construction truck and gone through our window and right through her chest, killing her instantly.

I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. I paced, took a shower, drank coffee, ran, and paced some more. I hated that I’d had such a horrible vision thrown on me. Or was it just a dream?

Ithadto be a dream. Those visions stopped years ago, and even the last few I’d seen hadn’t come true.

As a final middle finger towards God, I decided to ignore it.

That afternoon, as per usual, Robin wanted to go to the park. I’d initially said no, but eventually caved to her big blue puppy dog eyes.

We got in a car accident in a twelve-car pileup. A loose rod broke through the window, spearing Robin through her chest. She looked at me in horror, blood gushing from the wound and filling up her lungs as she whimpered quietly, “Daddy, Daddy please, help me, Daddy.”

The EMT’s took thirteen minutes to arrive. She died in my arms in ten.

Chapter 28

Present day

I need to go. I need to leave. I can’t do this.

I stood up from the couch and stared out the window as Reuben finished telling me his story. The familiar taste of panic rose in the back of my mouth.

Oh, this is so wrong. This was such a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea. How could I be so stupid?

Reuben looked unhappy that I wasn’t sitting beside him anymore, but I didn’t care. I felt the tentative trust and attachment I’d developed for him sever like a tiny thread, snapping under the first pull of pressure.

“Thank you, Reuben,” I whispered. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

“I–”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” I collected my notebook and went to the door to pull on my coat, but he stopped me, standing up and blocking my path.

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