Page 101 of Ashes of Sin and Stardust

“Pretty little pet you have, sir,” I said quietly, just loud enough for the couple to hear. The girl blushed and the man straightened.

“She is, isn’t she? She’s a sweet thing.” He ran his thumb across her cheek, and then offered his hand. “I’m Michael Black.”

“Reuben Weston.”

“Have we met? You look familiar.” He cocked his head.

“I don’t believe so.”

“Perhaps I’ve seen you at The Underground?”

“I’m not familiar with the place.”

Michael smiled wider. “Well. We can fix that.”

Michael brought meto The Underground, and I felt like entered the Twilight Zone where all the things I craved were handed to me on a silver platter. Mike and I became good friends, and I visited the place as often as possible. It was through those regular visits where I watched and listened to other players that I realized two things.

The first was that I had no idea what the hell I was doing. The second was that I was an asshole, and I had assaulted Savannah Thornburg.

The guilt I felt when the realization hit me was enough to make me want to leave the dungeon. Being away from my own bully and surrounded by people who respected me had given me enough perspective to realize what a childish asshole I’d been. Through listening to conversations between new friends, hearing them explain negotiation and consent, and teaching me the rules of how their lifestyle worked, I realized just how horribly I’d crossed that line with her. I could have made a thousand excuses, but when it came down to it, I knew I had a Beast in my heart who I’d let out on the poor girl without her consent, whether she had liked it or not.

One of the older more experienced Masters of the place noticed my change in behavior and confronted me about it. He took me into his office and demanded I explain why I had shut down, and I confessed to him what I did. I told him about how I was a bully and a jerk to her, about how I’d become addicted to watching her suffering. About how I’d practically raped her when she’d asked me to take her.He was one of the only people I’d ever confessed the truth about the court case to.

The older man watched me as I let the past six years of anger, frustration, and embarrassment spew from my mouth, and I was shaking by the time I was done.

“You said something interesting a few minutes ago,” he said. “You said you didn’t know how strong she was until it was too late. I don’t think you understand what true dominance or submission really is, Ben. I think you’re right. You’re a sadist and a bully. But you’re not a Dom. Not yet.”

I avoided The Underground for a while after that, but I couldn’t stay away for long. Even though I didn’t get involved with anyone, I enjoyed watching the other dominants control their submissives. They were a high protocol dungeon, and the subs served their Doms publicly, followed a strict dress code, and displayed their training at every possible opportunity.

I wanted to be part of it, but I didn’t know where to start.

Eventually, I worked up my courage to speak to the older Master again, and I asked him to teach me. “You don’t know what you’re asking for, Ben. You must learn to submit before you can learn to lead. You need to understand what it means, and how it feels.”

“I understand.”

“Try again.”

“I understand... Sir.”

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