Page 64 of Girl Violence

Josette shakes her head adamantly. “Promiseme.”

He glares at her with such anger that Josette thinks he will strangle her anyway for a moment. Maybe not telling Vince is stupid, but Ian isn’t worth him getting into trouble over. She won’t cause that. What Ian did was wrong on so many levels. She doesn’t know what to feel about it yet, or what to think, only that she doesn’t want Vince to know.

“Fine,” he says, but he isn’t happy about it. “But you’re fucking stupid.”

As he storms past her, Josette inhales deeply, going after him. He doesn’t talk to her as he walks her home and says nothing when they reach her house. As she turns back to thank him, he’s already walking down the street.

As she watches him pull up his hood, she hopes she hasn’t made a mistake.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

The house is quiet when Josette unlocks the door and walks inside. The only light source is a lamp her dad must’ve left for her. Closing the door, she locks it before going to ensure the windows and back door are also locked.

As soon as she’s satisfied that she’s safe, she heads upstairs, her body tense when she hears her dad snore from his bedroom. At least she isn’t alone. Though there is only one person she wishes was with her right now. Not that there’s anything wrong with her dad. It’s just Vince makes her feel safer.

Her head hurts as she goes to the bathroom. She doesn’t think as she removes her dress, underwear, and shoes. After turning on the shower, she adjusts the dial to the hottest setting. She’s glad that the room eventually fills with steam, that the glass fogs up, and that she doesn’t have to look at herself.

Her dress and panties are tossed into the trash that she will take out tomorrow. Everything Ian touched because she doesn’t want to see them anymore. She doesn’t want to feel him anymore.

She gets into the shower and pulls the screen across, hissing out a breath when the water scalds her cold skin. Nevertheless, she perseveres until her body gets used to it. As water runs down her face and body, she stays under the spray as Ian’s touch is washed away. The memory of him forcing his mouth onto hers is still there. Of him touching her body and kissing her—

Josette squirts half the shower gel onto her sponge and begins scrubbing her skin. After washing everywhere, she concentrates on the areas he touched. Then, she rinses and repeats. Rinses. Repeats.

After shutting off the water, she grabs a towel and wraps it around her body. With her toothbrush, she scrubs Ian and alcohol from her mouth three or four times until she can only taste hot mint. As soon as she finishes, she goes into her room, puts on her thickest pyjamas, dries her hair as quickly as possible so that her dad doesn’t wake up, and goes to bed.

Body tightly ensconced in the covers, Josette’s mind races despite her exhaustion. She can’t shut it off. Can’t stop replaying what Ian and Tyler had done to her. While Tyler isn’t a saint, how far would things have gone if he hadn’t distracted Ian?

She shudders at the thought, and tears flood her eyes. Jason’s right. She is stupid. She’s the only one to blame for everything going wrong in her life. She’s the one who fucks things up. Rather than avoiding trouble, she dances into it blindly. Now she’s in over her head.

The strained relationship with her dad is her fault. She blames him, but it’s really her fault. He’s always been the provider and her mum the parent. She can’t talk to him, and it’s not his fault. Josette doesn’t know why she expected him to take on that role when her mum left. Then there’s her mum. She’s always pushed Josette to achieve more than she did. Her goal was to make her better than her. She was unhappy and hated this town. When she left, she threw it back in her face when maybe she was just trying to teach her that you can do what’s best for yourself, and that’s okay. Josette should have been happy for her, but she got twisted about it. That’s when she decided it’d be “fun” to hang with the wrong crowd, putting herself in danger that could have resulted in her getting raped tonight.

While Josette knows it isn’t her fault that Ian made the choice to do that to her, it is for not being wary enough. She knows he hasn’t got a good reputation and that he’s wanted her since last summer. She was playing with fire when she should have stayed far away from him.

She closes her eyes. Maybe tonight, she was lucky that she wasn’t in a park where he could have dragged her into the bushes while drunk. She wonders how many times he’s contemplated it.

A flash of light scurries past her window as another shiver rushes down her spine. Ripping the covers off her, she runs over to the window and peeks through the curtains.

Vince’s car is now parked on the street, and he’s just gotten out. After slamming the door closed, he pulls out his phone, checks it, and then tucks it away. Josette’s chest squeezes as he looks toward her house. He can’t see her, she knows he can’t, but she goes still anyway, her insides clenching. An ache of longing...

Or maybe it’s guilt.

After locking his car, he makes his way to his house, and she doesn’t stop watching until he disappears inside. She doesn’t know why but knowing he’s home comforts her slightly. That he’s just there, next door, if she needs him.

She really needs him now.

But she can’t. She can’t ruin what they’ve started.

Josette returns to bed, hoping she made the right decision by not running to him when he walked into the party. She wasn’t trying to be brave. She knows if she’d told Vince what happened, he would have torn across that room and beat Ian. With Ian’s dodgy friends around, Josette doesn’t know how that would have played out. Or how badly Vince could have gotten hurt in the process of defending her.

Not that he isn’t strong—Josette knows he can handle himself. But he would have gotten into trouble or hurt; she doesn’t want that. Josette has made enough of a mess as it is. She doesn’t want to cause more.

Vince isn’t her boyfriend. He loves her as a friend, as she does him, and they’re having a good time. But he’s not in love with her. He can’t keep saving her and beating people for her. Those things get people locked up in jail, and Josette would never forgive herself if that happened.

She made the right decision, and that’s all that matters.

* * *

The next morning,Josette gets up for her shift at the library. She doesn’t want to go. She’s hungover and feels sick. Though, she figures working, or pretending to work, will distract her from the thoughts parading in her mind.

---