Page 63 of His to Keep

The truth was there all along. Somewhere, somehow, in my mind. But the truth isn’t easy to face. That’s why we always abandon it and dance in the light of lies. It’s why I do.

The chosen one? Then why did he choose another? He’s full of shit, and Ihatehim.

Father Aaron’s tongue slips into my mouth. Callum doesn’t want me, neither do my parents. Maisie hates me. The one who does want anything to do with me gropes my breasts over my dress and moans softly into my mouth. It repulses me so much that I turn my head and break the kiss with a breath of shame. His chuckle is breathy against the side of my face, and I’m sickened. “I don’t know what’s come over me.”

I can’t stop thinking about you,Callum said to me once. For two people so different, they’re alike at this moment. Both wanting me in sexual ways, but notme.Not the person behind the carcass that is my face and body.

And it makes me so fuckingangry. At Father Aaron, and especially at Callum.

“We will continue this later after dinner. Don’t think I can’t feel it, Ava. How much you want me.” His hand that I’m painfully aware of grazes off my thigh, and my insides clench as he forces my panties aside and sinks his fingers deep inside of me. He breathes out heavy and hot, and I close my eyes, stomach twisting even tighter into a knot. “Hot and wet. Just like last night.”

I almost vomit. No. He’s delusional. I’m not wet—I could never be anything other than bone dry from his sick touch. The only reason I was last night was because of Callum.

“If you want, it can just be us. I can send Maisie to John. He has, after all, waited so long and patiently for a girl of his own. I’ll make love to you in a way a man and woman should. Naked, under these covers. You’ll enjoy it more than you think.” Removing his finger, I watch in my peripheral vision as he puts it into his mouth. “So sweet.”

I want to taste you.I gasp out as Father Aaron’s face morphs into Callum’s when we were in the woods.

Am I losing my mind?

Finally getting off me, I let out a breath I’d been holding in as Father Aaron goes over to the wardrobe to fetch a new black shirt. He says nothing as he puts it on, and I’m relieved that Maisie’s still passed out beside me and heard nothing of what just happened. For I’m sure if she were awake, she’d have something to say.

Like maybe I am a slut. A whore. A temptress. A seductress.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Death. Why fear it when it soundsfreeing? An escape when life is a trap. They say it’s not meant to be the answer or even a solution. They say when life gets tough, to pull yourself together and keep moving and hoping and breathing. Because life’s a gift, and to give something so special back, would be wrong.

Though, for some people, death is a way. A way of ending the misery, pain, loneliness, and other feelings when a person thinksenough.What’s the point in existing if this is it?

Death. I hadn’t ever thought about it until now as I drag my feet into the bathroom adjoining Father Aaron’s room. A mixture of emotions ripping my insides to shreds, making me feel everything but nothing at the same time.

What reason do I have to exist? I’m no longer a person. I’ve lost everything. Gran, my family. Callum. I’ve lost him.

Water spurts from the taps as I turn them on. Hot, cold, I feel neither as I get into it and lie back against the cool ceramic planes of the tub. Wait as the water climbs higher and higher, slowly covering my body inch by inch. Giving me enough time to think this through and realizing, with finality, that I want this. I don’t want to be here anymore.

Before I know it, I’m underwater. I hold my breath for a little while and then let go. Liquid fills my lungs, and it should be agonizing, but it’s not.

I think about my life before this all happened as I surrender my soul.Unloved, weak Ava. Nothing but a cold, empty vessel. Tainted by the dark inhabitants of this world. No going back. I’m ready.

But sometimes. Just sometimes, the decisions you make for yourself aren’t what others make for you.

Arms wrap around me, and I’m abruptly heaved from the pool of water I’m drowning in. I’m pulled from the bathtub, slapping against a hard body as we fall to the floor. I splutter and cough up water that burns my lungs, but I can’t find air. I can’tbreathe. I’m flipped onto my back, and hands push into my chest, plunging water from my lungs.

“You are not dying!” someone growls, but my eyes are still closed. “You’re not fucking dying on me!”

Warm lips slam against my cold ones. Lips I recognize. A blast of air blows into my mouth until I double over and spit up the last remnants of water. Inhaling air sharply into my lungs, I whine as I try to get control of my breathing.

Arms lift me from the floor, and my head flops against a chest. A heartbeat rages beneath my ear, thumping frantically, matching the pace of my own.

Blinking away water and tears, I think my eyes are lying to me when I see Callum holding me while leaning against the bath. He’s breathing out heavily with me wet in his arms, gripping onto me so tightly, it hurts. The look of worry, confusion, and anger mottle his expression, and I’m too stunned to pull myself away, too surprised to speak or think straight.

At that moment, he looks down at me.

“Why?” he demands, gripping me even tighter, almost shaking me. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“But you said—”

He grabs my face. “Never mind what I fucking said, Ava! Are you crazy?”

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