Page 42 of His to Keep

As he touches my hair, his knuckle purposefully touches my breast. My stomach turns.Don’t move.I know if I do, he’ll hurt me far worse than the disgusting petting he’s doing now. The way he looks at me, coldness in his eyes, I know the punishment will be severe if I push him. The cross he carved into my arm stings, even though it’s long since healed—a reminder that he won’t think twice about using his knife on me again.

“Even the length of time you’ve been here, you’ve become magnificently beautiful. It’s hard to contain myself.” Reaching between his legs, he grabs his large erection over his pants and strokes himself up and down. I’m so shocked by him doing it, I freeze. “Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil….” With his other hand, he reaches inside my dress and grabs my breast, squeezing it hard. My heart stops, wanting badly to smack him across his face. To yell at him to get the hell off me. “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

“My Lord,” I whisper, swallowing back vomit as he strokes himself and painfully tweaks my nipple. “Y-you must wait for the ceremony.”

He removes his hand, but before I can feel relief, his hand drops to my thigh and starts inching under my dress. As his hand skims my skin, his eyes hood with devil lust as his other hand moves a bit faster. My eyes sting with tears.Think, Ava, think.“T-think of his Greatness. He wouldn’t want you to commit sin before the time comes. Please.”

His face falls, and he grits his teeth, cold blue eyes becoming stormy with anger. Growling out menacingly, I cower as he rips himself away from me.

“Seductress!” he growls at me. “Oh, how Brother Joseph warned me of your wickedness” He whirls around to me. “Apologize!”

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

“Go back to your room and stay there until dinner.” Getting up, I flee from the library, running upstairs and back to the bedroom. Throwing open the door, I collide with Callum, who grabs me to steady us both from toppling over.

“I was just coming to find you—”

Shoving him back, I smack his chest. Surprise flitters across his eyes, but I’m so angry and upset that I can’t stop myself. “Don’t ever let me go out there alone again!” I yell at him like it’s his fault when I know it’s not. “If you hadn’t been so cold toward me, then I wouldn’t have left!”

“What happened?” he demands, pulling me back when I go to walk away from him. “Tell me.”

“Your father. He…he—Oh!” I scream out instead, overwhelmed by everything. “Just leave me alone! All of you leave me the hell alone!” Pushing him away, I run into the bathroom and slam the door in his face. Slumping back against it, tears prick my eyes but don’t fall. I’m too angry to let them.

Callum knocks on the door behind me. “Can I come in?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been distant.” He sighs. “I’m just…I’m sick of this place.”

Wrenching the door open, he takes a step back warily, probably from the thunder I know is raging in my eyes. “You’resick of this place? What about me? I miss my life! I miss my home!”Lies, lies, lies.I almost gag at my words.DoI miss home?

My heart feels nothing by the very mention of it, of going back to Gran, who hasn’t looked for me. To parents who are only obligated to check in on holidays, but any other time, don’t care. My chest squeezes, the truth right there. I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want to go home either. I don’thavea life to go back to. I was just as trapped there as I am here. Nowhere I belong.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and my chest swirls with guilt and hurt. Stepping toward me, he gathers me in his arms and holds me against him. At first, I stand there, but then I give in and wrap my arms around his waist, smothering my face into his chest. I didn’t realize how much I needed this—his embrace. Having someone to tug me away from the numbness.

“Why are you so distant?”

“Because I have to be.” His chest lifts and falls in a deep breath, and I hear every trace of frustration in it. “You got sick after I touched you.”

Pulling away, I lift my head to look into his eyes. They’re angry and sad. Reaching up, I cup his face with my hands. He doesn’t flinch nor pull away this time, which I’m glad for. I don’t think I could take any more of his rejection. Not when the reality of my life is finally taking center stage. “It was a coincidence, Callum, that’s all. I was cold before the fires were lit. I was bound to get sick.”

“I know that…” His eyes are still clouded with thoughts that I wish he’d stop thinking. Knowing nothing I say will make him stop believing some unknown force was punishing him for going near me. “But when you fell down the stairs, I thought you’d broken your neck when I saw you lying there. I should’ve been there when you woke up, and I wasn’t. I thought I’d lost you.”

“You’re afraid of losing me?” I whisper, heart pounding in my throat. He nods but doesn’t say anything else. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

He stares down at me with a frown now. One of confusion. “You can’t promise that.”

Letting go of him, I sit on the bed. “I know how that sounds. Why would I say that when you think freedom is what I want most in the world? But I lied to you about things on the outside.”

“What do you mean?

“You probably have this illusion in your head of me and what I was like out there. But I wasn’t the girl you imagine. I wasyou. We’re more alike than you think.” He sits next to me as tears well behind my eyelids. I don’t want to cry, but I’ve never been this honest with myself or anybody before. “The truth is, I don’t have friends. Not even one. I pushed them all away because of fear. Since my grandpa died, my grandmother has starved me of life with rules and abuse. My parents have neglected me since I was ten. I don’tmissmy home, Callum. Because it’s never felt like it. At least, not until I met you.” He goes still next to me, and I know how wrong my words are, but I’ve never had so much clarity about anything in my life. “You feel like home.”

“Ava, I—”

“Stop,” I say, closing my eyes briefly, not wanting to hear the words I know he’s about to say.We can’t. We mustn’t. You don’t want me to be your home.Don’t I already know that? “Don’t say anything. I’m not expecting you to feel that way back. I was only telling you how I feel.”

Closing his mouth, he looks away, and my heart sinks deeper. They say the truth can set you free, but I’ve never felt more trapped than I do now by his silence.

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