Page 31 of Worship

But then, how much longer can I continue living this life when I’m already slipping away? It could be my only chance

I take a step forward and fear floods my chest. It almost pushes me back, but I force myself forward.

Before I know it, I’m running. Wind whips through my hair, tears spilling over my eyelids. I’m crying. Panting.Panicking.

It clings to every part of me, screaming no, no,no!

It feels like I’m being chased. As if at any moment someone’s going to reach out and grab me. Drag me back. Snitch on me.

No one does. There’s no one around, only me and the noise of my feet pounding into the dirt. I run until the music is just a series of dull thumps in the distance, and the air changes to earthier tones; pine and damp moss.

A sharp burn in my lungs warns me to stop, and I slow to a walk, clutching the stitch at my side and breathing heavily into the night.

Surrounded by pure blackness, I can hardly see what’s in front of me, and it dawns on me that I didn’t think this through. My fear hasn’t gone away. There’s no relief. The further away I get, the worse I feel, until I’m questioning what the fuck I’m doing.

I’ve no idea where I am, and if I’m lucky to get out of here, it’s not as if I can go to Mom with her being in Paris with Lawrence. Dad’s out of the question, knowing for sure he will only march me straight back to Blake the moment I got home.

I have no one to go to and no way of getting out of Dawlin. I don’t even knowhowto get back to Fair Haven. Even though I never thought I’d have this opportunity, I should have paid better attention to which directions we took.

I’m a fucking idiot.

Sickness swirls through me, and I stop walking. Dry retching, I bend over to get sick, though seeing as my stomach is already empty, nothing comes up. Straightening my back with a groan, I swipe tears and makeup from my face, knowing what I’m doing is a bad idea and will get me nowhere but sent to the Hill.

A burst of emotion rips through me, and I scream out pent up bitterness and frustration, loud enough birds scatter in fright from a tree nearby.

I want to be free more than anything, but this feels all wrong.

It’s not fair. Not right. It’s not so simple as finding the nearest police station and begging for help. How many times have I heard of girls being turned away and unbelieved. Returned to their abusers for an extra bit of cash in their pockets? Back to the criminals, they should be locking up instead of feeding. And I know Blake has “friends” on the inside that will do just that.

I take a step back, knowing it can’t be like this. My escape needs planning. Leaving fate to chance isn’t going to work. Iknowthat.

Just as I’m about to turn around, the roar of a motorcycle rumbles behind me. Whirling around, I spot a lone headlight darting toward me, blinding me as it skids and stops before me.

As the light turns away and I see who it is, my stomach somersaults at a very pissed off Milton. “Are you on a death wish?”

“I…I needed the toilet.” His jaw clenches at my lie.

“Get on the fucking bike, Heidi,” he orders, never having said my name out loud before. “Now.”

Making my way over to him like the obedient bitch I’ve been trained to be, I grab the sleeve of his leather jacket and pull myself up behind him. After securing my arms around his waist, he stiffens, and I wonder why. “You’re lucky I found you and not anybody else. If anyone knew Blake’s girl—”

“I’mnothis girl,” I spit icily. “Are you going to tell him?”

“I should.” Panic threatens to tip me off the bike. If Milton tells on me, I’ll be dead. There’s no doubt about it. A bullet will be put straight between my eyes, and Blake will kill Nicole and my parents out of rage. Wipeout my entire bloodline because he’sthatsick.

I grab Milton’s sleeve again, and he glances over his shoulder at me. Being this close to him, with moonlight spilling down on us both, I never truly appreciated how…beautiful he is. Almost as if he’s not meant to belong in this world. “Please, Milton, I know you don’t like me, but don’t tell him.”

“Why do you think I don’t like you?” he asks, which I’m not expecting. He’s never really engaged in a conversation with me. I guess we’re both breaking the rules tonight.

“I just know,” I reply, unable to put it into words. The way he looks at me sometimes—like I’m a problem.

“Maybe in a another life…things might’ve been different,” he mumbles. Turning away from me, he revs the engine and takes off. Taking me back to Blake.

Chapter Fourteen

Gabriella visits me early the next morning. It’s unusual and something I expect to be the cherry on top of this disaster of a week.

I tried to refuse to see her when learning of her arrival. After what happened last time, I’d rather avoid her as much as possible. Not that my refusal sat well with Vera, who told me she insisted on seeing me over an important matter.

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