Page 42 of Color of Love

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied, she couldn’t imagine not being close to her family. Yes, they were loud and nosy and suffocating sometimes, but they were her everything. “You would think they would be so proud of you for being so courageous,” she added.

“That’s not the way they see it.” He shrugged. “It used to bother me, but not so much anymore. I just got used to disappointing people and not getting close to anyone.” His words worried her; did he really think that he was a disappointment?

“Well, for the record, I’m incredibly proud of you. And thank you for your service,” she said. There was a pause as her words hung in the air and he stared at her. Something in his expression changed and he smiled warmly at her and nodded, then ducked his head. They continued eating in silence, well, he ate and she watched him discreetly over her wine glass. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from this incredible man who fascinated her.

“What about you? Your parents must be so proud of you, a doctor in the family,” he said, and she could be mistaken but she thought she saw a hint of mischief in his eyes.

“Yes, they are. Most of the time anyway,” she replied, and he shot her a quizzical look. “I’m still single and childless. I don’t think mamá will be pleased until I’m married and pregnant,” she joked.

“Marriage isn’t everything,” he scoffed, and she bristled.

“But love is and isn’t marriage the ultimate dedication of love?” she asked, feeling herself getting defensive. Something dark passed behind his eyes. For a smart person, she could be dumb sometimes, he had effectively been tricked into marriage, so of course he didn’t believe in it anymore.

“Would you never want to marry again?” She thought he wouldn’t answer but he surprised her.

“I just don’t think I could trust someone enough for that, after everything.”

“What about starting a family? Do you want kids?”

“You don’t need to be married to start a family, Justine.” He pinned her with his stare.

She shrugged. “True, I guess I’m just a little old-fashioned that way.”

“Miss Independent craves a traditional life?” he gasped, teasing her with his mock outrage.

She laughed. “I know, I’m a walking contradiction. You didn’t answer the question.”

“Man, you’re nosy, aren’t you?” he joked, and she laughed again, loving the easy back and forth they had.

“It’s kind of my job. Come on, do you want a family, Blake?”

He paused, nibbling his lip in thought before raising his eyes to hers, pain banked in the swirling depths. “I’m too fucked up to be a good father to anyone, so no.”

She felt guilty for pushing him but didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t fucked up at all, it was on the tip of her tongue to say so, but she swallowed the words. He didn’t want her platitudes. So, she got up, severing their connection, and took their dishes to the sink. She filled it with water and rinsed them off.

“If you’re still hungry I can see what I have for dessert?” she called over her shoulder, switching the faucet off. She felt his heat at her back and then his gravelly voice was right at her ear.

“I already know what I want for dessert.”

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