Page 30 of Who I Crave To Be

Ifeel as coveted as the world's finest diamonds, standing behind the doors that hold my future.I smooth my hands down my lace gown, it clings to my body and meshes to my chest with a skin-coloured, transparent material which makes it look as though the white satin spirals, kiss against my skin.It's a wedding gown designed with the inspiration of the outfit I wore the first night Deano and I met, just more appropriate for marrying the love of my life.

I never thought that six months ago, when I agreed to a weekend unbound, with a stranger who bespoke desired danger, that I'd end up a kept woman for the rest of my life.

That I would find the man to love me, no matter who I became.

I'm taken, utterly, unconditionally and irrevocably taken by a man who handed me the stars and gave me the power to set free the bullets.

I realized that sometimes you just want to disappear, become someone else and let go of all your problems.

But the reality in that is that we just don't want to go through this shit show alone.We don't want to hide, we want someone to brave the storm with us.

We want to be found.

We want to be supported and we want a friend to walk with us through the dark.

Deano is that friend.He's taken away the burden of life and has made it exciting.I've found a partner in absolutely everything.

The good, the bad and the insane.

Our relationship moved quickly after he tracked me down.For the two of us at least, I would have moved in with him the very same day if it wasn't for Kelley.

But I wasn't ready to put him through that, before Deano, I had never dated.

So he honored taking it slow in getting to know him.I thought it would have taken months but as fate would have it, Kelley was more than ready for a dad and we were living together back at Deano's estate two months later.

My mother stands at my side, tears in her eyes as her frail hand clenches mine tightly.She offers me a watery smile which makes her eyes shine in pride and I have to swallow around the tightness in my throat.

Kelley clings to my leg, straightening his little tux before fussing with my blue orchids to make sure they're perfect.

"You look stunning, Mama.I love to see you smile, it's so pretty," he tells me, a toothy grin smiling broadly as my heart flutters within my chest.

"You always made me smile, baby boy.Always," I tell him firmly.Kelley has always been my world, I never needed an escape from him, not ever.

I needed an escape from myself.

"I know that, silly.I just mean it's different this time.You smile for more than just me, Mama.You smile for yourself!"

Wise little words, spoken from my wise little man.

It’s never been about the end, or how fast I’ll get there.It’s always been about the journey.

Deano helped me find myself along the way and joined me on a journey of his own that just happened to be entwined within the path I had to take to get there.

To this.To heaven I’ll never have to escape because I finally have it all.

A place for my soul to rest easy while being fed all that it craves.

Because together we’ve made something magical.

My new adventure starts here, with my boys.

My heart is fuller than it's ever been and the only thing I crave now?

Our next chapter.

Deano.

Anson Seabra- “Welcome To Wonderland”beginsto play as I turn to face down the aisle.

---