Page 31 of Who I Crave To Be

We chose this song because our life will always be filled with wonder, dancing under the stars and losing ourselves in the beauty of not only each other but the world around us.

The doors open and the first thing I see is the boastful smile of one proud little boy walking his mama down the aisle into our new tomorrow.

Like the strong, independent little man he is.

I never thought that this was what I was missing from my life.

A little boy I've adopted as my own and a woman who handed me the world and everything it had to offer.

I gasp as Haven comes into view.The first tell of her satin lace gown as she steps one foot onto the aisle.Surrounded by both of our families.

She looks exactly like the first time I saw her.

Captivating.

Mesmerizing and like she holds life's secrets in her gaze.

She's as beautiful as that very moment.As open as she was back then.

And the same thing that drew me to her then, draws me to her now.

An adventure I never want to end.

I take her hands in mine as she stands before me, heavily lined eyes that turn sultry as they stare into mine and I have to shake my head, still not certain how I ever got so fucking lucky.

I fell in love with her that very night and I've been falling in love with her every night since.

"Do you take each other, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through all of life's adventures, until the day you die?"the priest asks.

“On the count of three, baby,” I whisper.

Like one we reply, "I do."

Ten months later.

Deano

"Come on, baby girl, you can do it.Push.Push for me, Haven.Push!"I encourage, trying not to wince as she squeezes me with the strength of a Viking."Kelley wants to meet his little sister, come on, baby.You can do this."

"Fuccccck!"she bellows, shooting from the bed and bringing her knees into her chest as she gives it all that she has.

I'm so fucking proud of her, there is nothing my wife can't do.She had already blessed me with a son, Kelley.And she blesses me still as she fights to bring our daughter into the world.

"Quietly now, Haven, we don't want to scare the other newbie mothers now, do we?"the midwife chastises.

"It fucking burns, my body is tearing and I swear to fucking God, if this bitch doctor tells me to calm down one more time, I'm going to kick her," Haven sneers at me while I bite my lip to stifle the smile at how fucking fierce she is.She's been at this for hours and every time she screams, the midwife tells her to be quiet, like popping out a watermelon is a silent sport."Like what the fuck?I'm shitting out a goddamn human here!"

The sweat clings to her brow and I lean forward to kiss it away chuckling."I know, baby.I'll have her fired," I promise, making the midwife pale as she glances at me with a sheepish look.She should be better versed with her bedside manner."But forget about her right now, Alyson wants to meet us."

"Alyson.Little Allie," she whispers a little deliriously."The name means adaptable, adventurous.Our little girl who will be noble and honest, never quitting in seeking freedom in this big, big world.She won't stop will she?She won't stop until she finds her own Deano?"The tears fall hard and fast, flowing down her cheeks.Her head rolls and I tilt her chin back towards me, she blinks open her eyes and smiles at me dreamily.

"I promise, our little girl will be happy just like her mama.Remember, baby?This is one of our greatest adventures.Now push!"

"Ahhhhh!!!!!!"The scream that tears from her throat is inhuman.It has me cringing, wincing from the pain rippling through the love of my life.

I want more than anything to take it from her, but I can't, so instead I hold her through it.Because the sound of her agony has me burning with unimaginable anger.It unsettles me, and as much as I want to be punching walls in my unease, she doesn't need that.

And I'll die before I'll ever become the man who makes her existence worse instead of better.

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