Page 64 of The Last Time You Break Me

If anything, it made it even more enchanting.

I was a monster that walked amongst the innocents I protected. I somehow felt like every life that was stolen and forever lost here stood at my side and blessed this union.

It was a silly thought. But I couldn’t help but feel the apparition of them brush against my skin.

It brought an unhindered smile to my burgundy-painted lips.

The black candles soared and protruded from black and ruby-encrusted candelabras that hung from the walls that lined the aisle. I flattened my dress.

The black fabric shimmered under the yellow light of the flames. The bust curved to my breasts and held in my waist. The raven gown fell straight down the length of my legs. A swirl and diamond embellished skin cut-out shape sat high on my thigh. A skirt wrapped around my hips to turn the dress into a wedding dress, but it could easily be detached. It was understated, but it was me.

When I was wearing it, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world.

My dad bled from the shadows and stepped up beside me. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m floating on the stars,” I admitted with a sigh.

“It’s a good feeling to have. I still remember the way it felt when I married your mother,” he whispered, voice thick with emotion.

“Pa, I can’t. I can’t think about it.” I shook my head and stepped away, needing to clear my head.

“I know,” he rushed as he reached out a hand and gripped my wrist, pulling me back into him. “I know, love. I know. I just wanted to give you this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large jewelry box. When he opened it, I gasped. What sat inside was more beautiful than any creation. A dagger formed the shape of a hair clip. It was covered in sapphire and burgundy stones but was primarily black. It took my breath away as tears welled within my darkly painted eyes.

“It was your mother’s, she wore it on our wedding day,” he uttered in a voice thick with emotion.

I choked on it.

On all of it.

His emotion, my emotion. The turmoil of not having my mother here today—It ruined all of the happy parts of me and I thought I might drown from the pain.

I fell to my knees, as I cradled the clip and cried like a child. This was the first time I had ever cried in front of my father. The first time I had ever shown weakness, but the anguish that tore apart my chest was too much to bear.

I could no longer breathe, the air stolen from my lungs as my chest ached in the coldness that consumed me to the point of pain. My throat burned and my body trembled.

My father fell to his knees and pulled me into his arms. He wrapped them around me and I struggled to remember the last time I allowed him to hold me.

To help me when I was suffering.

“Daddy,” I sobbed and I felt foolish for it. “Daddy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, you have nothing to apologize for, my love.Nothing.”

If only that was true. But there was so much more to my mother’s death than I had ever admitted. More to the reason I allowed that darkness in.

I was to blame for her murder.

“If I hadn’t snuck out, if I hadn’t gone to The Gates, she would never have come looking for me. I was angry. I was consumed with pain and humiliation and I just wanted to fight it out. I needed to make something hurt as deeply as I was hurting inside and she only left the mansion that night to try and help me. Because shelovedme.” I cried harder, my voice was unrecognizable as it became raw and painful. “Frazier was only able to grab her unattended because of me.”

“Enough of that,” he barked as he held me tighter, only so he could shake me and bring my chin up so I could look into his eyes. I choked on a sob, shocked at his reaction as he held my face in his hands. “Your mother was a fighter. Just like you. And just like you, she would have done anything for those she loved. You were her angel, sweetheart. It killed her inside, every day to see you suffering. But she knew. She knew even then why.” Helaughed a little brokenly as his gaze took on a faraway look. “I used to think it was because of a boy. She told me that it was. She even told me that it was about Reggie in fact.”

“How?” I gasped as my eyes widened.

“Because your mother knew her daughter. She said you had a crush, that she trusted Reggie, and wouldn’t be surprised if one day you grew into the woman that would tie him down. I laughed it off, told her I’d kill him should that happen,” he scoffed and his eyes found mine again. “But she also told me that wasn’t why you were spiraling. She said you were struggling so much because you were hiding. Hiding who you were, who you craved to be. That you feared the darkness, instead of embracing it. We loved you regardless of how insane you were up here, darling.” He tapped my temple softly with a sad smile on his tear-ridden face. “That is what she was coming to tell you that night. You are not to blame for her death and those that are, are long dead and buried in equal pieces. The crazy didn’t just pick you, love. It runs in the family. Now, wipe those tears, we have a wedding to wrap up and a honeymoon to send you away on.” He helped me stand and pulled me into his arms, then he squeezed me tightly. I felt so much love, so much warmth, seep from him into me and I basked in the sensation. “I am so fucking proud of you, baby girl. Your mother would be too.”

I wiped my tears and fixed my face as my father and I walked back down the aisle and waited for the seats to be filled with our closest family and friends. It was a small wedding, with not even thirty people on the guest list.

This was for us, nobody else.

---