Page 52 of Fighting Dirty

“They’re experts at handling stuff like that,” Lily reasoned.

Tiffany sighed deeply. “I know, but they just finished dealing with this whole Darkness thing, and you said they’re trying to go straight. It doesn’t seem fair to keep dragging them back into the danger.”

“You sound like you’ve been wrestling with this on your own for a while. I wish that you had come to me.”

“You’ve been real nice to me. But I don’t want to burden everyone with my problems. I was already struggling, then hearing from Alysa that he’s slept with every woman at the clubhouse was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I should have thought this through a little better before I came here with your son.”

“You are preaching to the choir. Every old lady has to square herself with those very same issues.”

“How do you square yourself with all the violence and whoring?”

“I suppose that somewhere along the line, I learned to love the man but not what he does. I know that must make me seem simple in your eyes, but I have to trust that he’s doing the best he can in every situation, even if it means someone dies.”

“I know Ryder is a good man. I’m just having a hard time dealing with my life right now. I feel like I’ve been asleep at the wheel, and now I’ve suddenly woke.”

“He loves you. In fact, we all do. Please don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you all as well, especially Ryder. I just need some time to think things over.”

“Stay in touch,” Lily pleaded.

“I’ll call you soon,” Tiffany promised.

Hanging up before the woman could talk her into turning her vehicle around, Tiffany turned her phone off. A little voice in the back of her head mocked her for turning tail at the first bump in the proverbial road. Running was her default mechanism, and it was hard to do anything else when the chips were down.

Turning it all over in her head, she couldn’t seem to reconcile the sweet, protective person Ryder appeared to be with the monster out killing other human beings tonight. Then again, she didn’t really know if he’d killed anyone, so why was she judging him prematurely? The trouble was, with them being so tight-lipped about club business, she’d never be sure they weren’t out killing and maiming the innocent.

The moment the thought popped into her head, she chastised herself for thinking Ryder could possibly be a soulless killer. More than likely, he was just an ethical person with no compunction about crossing the line if a situation necessitated something extreme. That put him in the category of a soldier of sorts in her mind.

Deep in thought, she didn’t notice she was home until Ryder’s house came into view. Staring at the house, she realized something was off. Try as she might, Tiffany was unable to put her finger on exactly what it was.

Thinking she was still jumpy from rushing out of the club and worrying herself sick during the drive, she decided to just keep driving and thinking for a bit. Instead of stopping, she passed the house and headed for the interstate. Figuring that Ryder might try to find her, she pulled the battery from her cell phone and from the old-fashioned GPS device attached to her dashboard.

Random thoughts rattled around in her brain for the better part of the night. The gentle hum of the engine and the clicking as she shifted gears turned into a kind of background noise. The thing was, the more she thought about her situation, the more convinced she became that drawing Ryder into her dangerous life had been a bad idea. Even an outlaw didn’t deserve to have to deal with everyone else’s shit constantly.

He lived the life of a vigilante, doling out punishments and taking lives as he saw fit, with no oversight or sanction by the powers that be. Though she trusted that he did so with care, it was hard to accept that at the same time he was an outlaw who played by his own set of rules. The man had blood on his hands, and there was no getting around that fact. That alone should have been enough to get her packing her stuff.

The icing on the cake was the loose morals inherent in the whole club scene. The women left standing after Darkness purged the worst of the worst were still whores as Alyssa so succinctly pointed out. Every single one of them was a woman happy to trade sex and companionship to bikers for room and board.

Though most of the brothers were single, there were a couple of married bikers who messed around with the whores behind their wives’ backs. It was something that everybody saw, and nobody spoke about. It rubbed her the wrong way that she was expected to keep their dirty little secrets. Then again, in what world was it okay to tell some lady you hardly knew that their husband was fucking whores behind their back? For all she knew, they were allowed to. One thing was for certain, it would kill her if Ryder cheated on her.

What had she been thinking hooking up with a biker?

Ven was the only man who consistently avoided whores like they were a plague. Maybe Ryder would take after his father in that regard, and then again maybe not. Hell, maybe Ven had just recently kicked his whore habit. In any event, Tiffany was no Lily, and Ryder had a strong history of playing the field. Something about Ryder fucking whores and then coming home to her, pretending everything was fine, made her chest hurt.

She’d already allowed herself to get sucked in and become way too close to the rough, slightly damaged man. Remembering how his arms felt around her and the way he joked with her when things got bumpy had her missing him like crazy. He was hot, sexy, and more thoughtful and giving than any man she’d ever known. Having sex with him felt like being reborn into a world where she actually mattered. Why the hell was everything in her life so complicated?

Shifting gears, she sped up. A dark thought popped into her head. Ryder didn’t know all her dirty little secrets. What would he think if he knew she’d been forced to eat her meals from a pretty pink, gemstone-encrusted dog bowl? Would he be so thrilled to have her in his bed if he knew all the truly perverted things Stuart had done to her over the years?

She imagined seeing the look Stuart always gave her on Ryder’s handsome face, and that was it. She knew she was never going back. Ryder deserved a nice woman, not some fucked-up object who’d trained herself to disassociate from her surroundings at will.

Pressing her foot down on the gas pedal, Tiffany watched through blurry eyes as the road ahead sped by and faded in the rearview mirror.

~ Ryder ~

Staring the prospect in the face, Ryder asked, “What exactly do you mean by dead?”

Cork stood beside his younger brother. His expression was blank, as usual, and his voice was calm. “When Peb called to say that your old lady had bolted, I went to your place to stand guard. She wasn’t there, but some military-type dude rushed me the moment I stepped into the house.” Waving one hand in a gesture of nonchalance, he sighed. “I shot, and you know I never miss.”

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