Page 94 of Lavender and Lightning

“You know why,” she rasps, not looking away.

And damn it if she’s not right again. If she’d so much as hinted at a potential suspect that day, I’d be in prison facing murder charges at this very moment. Nothing and no one could have gotten in my way, not with everything as fresh as it was back then. Even now, there’s a part of me that knows I could get away with making Davis disappear, and the only thing stopping me is the knowledge that his testimony is going to put Seth behind bars for good.

But the fact I’m even entertaining these thoughts just emphasizes why she felt she couldn’t trust me, why she feels that way even now. I look away in shame, swallowing hard.

“You’re right. And I’m sorry,” I mutter.

“But we’re not here to talk about me,” she says with a heavy sigh.

I shake my head and take a deep breath, trying to get my thoughts in order. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I need to ask. But where to begin? Do I even deserve answers at this point? I swallow again, one question floating forward and refusing to be pushed aside.

“The night of your accident, when you got Darren’s text, why did you keep driving?” I ask, trying not to make the question sound like an accusation.

It’s the one thing I’ve never been able to push aside. I could explain the need for her to sleep in her apartment that night, the route she took, the speed she drove at, but I never could figure out why she didn’t pull over and call me. She knew I was still awake, because I always stayed awake until I got a text from her to confirm she made it home safely. I would have been at her side in minutes, could have brought her back to the pack house, or driven with her to her nest if that’s what she wanted. And when that driver came along, she would have been in the passenger seat, and I—

“I don’t know, Rhett, and even if I did, telling you wouldn’t solve this,” she says, cutting through my thoughts.

I whip around to face her, eyes wide in alarm. I open my mouth to speak, to try to refute her, but then she looks up at me with eyes bright and lined with moisture. Everything I’d been about to say lodges in my throat.

“I forgive you, Rhett Cooper. I forgive you for letting me go that night, and everything that’s happened since.”

I can only stare, absolutely flummoxed. She… forgives me?

“I know you think that you’re to blame for my injuries, but there was a tracker on my car. If he hadn’t gone after me that night, he would have done it another time. You never failed me, not as my partner or my alpha. I don’t fully understand why, but you’ve treated me with kindness and invited me into your family. I can’t punish you for this, not when your very nature calls you to protect. So instead, I forgive you, because that’s what you need,” Lydia explains, looking me dead in the eye as she speaks slowly and clearly.

“But if I hadn’t—”

“We can’t let ourselves get pulled backwards, Rhett. I left because I thought y’all would be better off without me. That if I disappeared from your life, all your problems would go with me. But look what’s happened. This pack is on the verge of collapse. We have to stop blaming ourselves and each other for the things we can’t do anything about,” she says emphatically, the blanket rustling as she talks with her hands.

I turn around fully, kneeling in front of her, searching her face, waiting for the penny to drop. But she just keeps staring at me with bright, hopeful eyes, and I can barely stand it. I start to turn away, but she extracts a hand and catches my chin between her thumb and forefinger.

“I love you. I never stopped loving you, not once. But if you don’t…” She trails off, silvery tears starting to form along the edges of her lashes. My heart lurches into my throat, and I lunge forward, gathering her into my arms in a tight embrace.

“I love you, too, Lydia Anderson. My heart is yours, now and always. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done, and I promise I’ll never do that again. I promise,” I say, trailing off into a whisper.

She pulls back and looks up at me, a smile pulling her perfect lips. The blanket has slipped down, her toffee-brown hair gleaming in the lights on my bedside tables. Her fingers brush against the light dusting of hair on my chest, and I shudder. I slowly lift a hand and trace her cheekbone, over to the shell of her ear, until my fingers thread into her hair. I start to lean down, drawn like gravity to her lips, but she presses a finger to my mouth before I can fully close the distance.

“Just one more promise,” she whispers seriously.

I nod, already agreeing before she even asks.

“No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” I repeat.

And then I seal my vow with a kiss.

forty

Lucas

WhenI’dsaidgoodbyeto Lydia at Wickland House, I honestly had no clue if my plan had worked. I’d gone to her, knowing full well she could tell me to fuck off and slam the door in my face, but I had to do something. I’d tried everything I could think of to get through to my alphas, but to no avail. Rhett was too deep into his personal pity party to see reason. Mateo and Lex had run, and weren’t coming back, at least not for me alone. So I’d called in the big guns.

And the relief that rushes through my chest as I pull my bike into the lower garage and find my car parked in its usual place nearly knocks me off my feet. She’s back. She’s home.

I have to force myself to move normally, to put my riding jacket on its peg and wash the dust from my hands and face in the sink. I don’t know what I’m going to find upstairs, and if I rush in, I could ruin whatever work Lydia’s been doing with Rhett. The quiet on the main living floor bodes well, though I don’t see anyone right away as I cautiously exit the basement door. The plate I made for Rhett is empty, and in the sink, along with his usual whiskey tumbler. A quick peek into the formal dining room and I smile to myself when I find the table empty of its usual occupant.

Keeping my footfalls light, I ascend the stairs and make my way into my room to change out of my work clothes. I can detect traces of Lydia’s lilacs on the air, and the sound of running water from the shower between my room and Rhett’s settles my stomach. I leave them be for a few minutes after the water shuts off, but it doesn’t take long for my curiosity to overwhelm my common sense. Easing the door open, I poke my head into the bathroom, finding it empty and the door to Rhett’s room open. I tip-toe across the tile floor, their conversation getting louder as I press my back to the wall next to the door, hopefully out of sight.

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