Page 83 of Bitter Truths

Still, I need her to know before I let her go. I just . . . I need her to know.

“I miss you,” I say quietly, curling my fingers in her hair before smoothing them out once more. I have a powerful urge to pull her into me and never let her go. I just need her to see me, but I push the feral feeling away.

For once in my fucking life, I’m not going to be a selfish bastard even if the instinct pulls at my gut.

“I miss you too,” she says.

“The first time I saw you, with your big blue eyes, I thought I was dreaming. I couldn’t believe an angel could be sent just for me. You saved me, Hals. I never told you, but you saved me,” I admit, clearing my throat to hide the fucking emotion lodged there.

“You were the first thing I saw when I came in late that day, and Griff, you saved me too.”

Sucking in a breath, I curl my hand into a fist. “You were the only one who made me feel from that day forward. I craved being around you. I craved the smile you gave only to me.”

I’m baring my soul, and it creates a cavern of panic that beats harshly in my chest, but I owe this to her, and as I’ve come to realize, my pain is worth her pleasure.

“And then everything fell apart,” she says, her mouth turning down in a frown.

I’m desperate to wipe the sadness away. I’m fucking desperate.

“I suppose it did, but Halsey, even though I hated you, I still wanted to be the one, to be your everything. I couldn’t breathe without you, and that’s never gone away, ever,” I say, tipping her head back so she can see my eyes.

“Me either, Griff. You’re the only boy who’s ever made me feel.”

She reaches up and grabs my hand in her hair, and I close my eyes at the simple touch before smoothing her hair once more. With my eyes closed, I smile because nothing will ever be righter than this moment, but I know it’s time to do what I should have done a long time ago.

I’m her nightmare. I remind her of everything wrong, and if I can give her one fucking thing, it’s letting her go. So, even though the words burn like acid on my tongue, I lie.

“But I guess it’s true what you said,” I say softly, looking away from her. Sometimes it feels like she can see into my soul, and right fucking now, I need her to believe my lies more than ever.

“What do you mean?”

“If you can’t see past my sins, we can never be more than what we are now.”

“Griff, I—”

“It’s okay, Hals. I get it, I do, and I will never regret anything more. But . . .”

“But?” she asks, sitting up, and I look into her beautifully tortured eyes.

“But I’m trying to be the person I used to be, and I’m dating Miranda,” I say quietly.

I swear I blackout for a minute, but when I blink to, she’s staring at me blankly, and my fucking chest clenches so brutally, I rub my sternum to ease the burn.

“To Miranda,” she says before a bitter laugh escapes, and she wraps her arm around her stomach. “You’re dating her? For real?”

“Hals,” I whisper, tortured. Am I doing the right thing? Fuck.

“It’s late. I’m tired. You should go,” she says, standing and stepping away.

“Hals, please,” I say again, but she ignores me, saying softly. “I think I knew this was always how it would be. I think . . . Griffin, I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whisper, my fucking soul numb as she walks away.

I thought I couldn’t live without her, but now I know I can’t live with the pain I see when she looks me in the eye.

But my chest feels like it’s going to explode. I just pushed away the only person who’s ever made me feel anything, and now I’m left with the perpetually empty fucking hole where my heart used to be.

Fuck me. Not only that, but I just agreed when she begged for our friendship to get back together.

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