Page 46 of Bitter Truths

“You’re cold,” he says gruffly. “C’mon, let’s wait inside.”

I am cold, but it’s not why I’m trembling. Still, I don’t argue when he leads me through the doors, reminded painfully of a time when Griffin always sensed my need and took care of me. Maybe the instinct is still there. Sadly, it would be the only thing left between us.

Looking back on it now, I wonder if maybe we took each other for granted. Technically, we were too young to be anything more than crushing. Maybe my insistence that he was the one all these years was nothing more than a mirage. Am I holding on to a dream?

Either way, I don’t know if I reciprocated in a way that showed how much I cared, and I wish I could go back and show him what his thoughtful actions meant to me.

Standing by the doors awkwardly, I turn my head away when he answers his phone, even though I strain to hear who’s on the other side of the call. Yes, I have no shame when it comes to Griffin, but at least I’ve admitted I have a problem. Baby steps, right?

“Hey, yeah,” he says in his deep tone, the one that always makes me shiver, and this time is no exception.

Of course, I can’t hear the other side of the conversation, but it sounds distinctly female, and before I can torture myself further, I walk away. The last thing I need to obsess about is one more bitch he’s fucking.

“Okay, sure. On the way home? Bye.”

Shit. My ears are fucking burning, and I have the insane urge to run, or rage, or I don’t even fucking know, but I don’t do anything. Instead, I stare blindly out the window as it starts to snow.

Okay, sure. On the way home? That sounded so fucking domestic, and the reality is pressing against my lungs. He’s moved on, and here I am, still pining. Fuck.

“Halsey?” Griffin says, but then Max appears, and I push the door open quickly.

The swirling flakes bathe my hair, tingle my cheeks, and I close my eyes briefly before focusing on my brother.

“Griff, Hals,” Max says with a tentative smile.

Max looks terrible as usual. His hair is in disarray, as though he’s run his fingers through it obsessively. But it’s his pale face and his mouth trembling at the corners that tugs at my heart. He may deserve it, but he’s my brother, and it’s hard to watch him struggle.

Griffin nods his head coolly, and I smile, although my lips wobble. Max hunches in on himself, staring at the ground with a miserable glint in his eyes.

“Listen, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I hurt you, Hals, and I scared you. I’m sorry. And I lied to you both for years. I came between you, and it was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Griffin asks.

“Because I was jealous,” he admits quietly, searching Griff’s expression before dropping his head.

“You ruined everything because you were jealous?” Griffin says harshly, and Max flinches.

“Yes,” he whispers, “and it was wrong.”

“Yeah, it sure as fuck was.”

The tension is so thick I could cut it with a damn knife, and as I watch Max squirm, I realize this is his treatment, and if I don’t at least consider his apology, I’m coming between him and his sobriety.

I may have a boatload of resentment in my heart, but I love the jerk, and I do want him to get better.

“Griffin,” I murmur, turning to him with a pleading stare, but I don’t know what I’m pleading for. Understanding? Forgiveness? For Max or me?

We’re all so fucked up.

“What?”

“Maybe we could just listen,” I say helplessly, rubbing my lips when his eyes drop to darkness and pain bleeds from the beautiful irises.

“You’ll forgive him but not . . .? Whatever.” He turns to Max, his eyes black. “I don’t forgive you. You took everything from me. Everything!”

With that, we both watch him go, his shoulders stiff and his hands clenched into fists. Sadly, I contemplate why I can consider forgiving Max but not Griffin. Maybe because what Griffin did created a chasm so wide and deep that I can’t figure out how to get past it. I love Griffin deeply; therefore, my hate is just as deep.

“Hals,” Max says quietly. “You have to understand. He didn’t know. I fed him so many lies.”

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