Page 40 of Bitter Truths

I got my revenge, but once again, it’s me holding the broken pieces of myself in the aftermath.

Chapter Ten

Sometimes I’m so sunk in the darkness I wonder if it’s possible to see the light again.

GRIFFIN

Lying in bed the morning after the party, I stare at the bare ass beside me and rub my eternally aching head. I deserved what Halsey did to me. After all, I fucked up her world over jealousy and need. But seeing her in the arms of that dick, David, only brought back the painful ache in my chest I’ve come to despise over the years.

It took everything in me not to tear him from her arms and show him who she belongs to, and only the pained plea in her eyes stopped me. For once, I didn’t know what the fuck she was begging me for.

To let her go? To fight for her? To take my fucking punishment like a good boy?

Her treachery felt all too much like my past, and I retreated behind the cold mask I’ve perfected. And because it’s what I know best, I tried to fuck her out of my system. Except fucking other chicks doesn’t do it for me, and I turned away without getting done.

Now, I’m left dissatisfied and with a gnawing hole in my chest. I did this. But how do I fucking fix it?

My words don’t mean shit, but I don’t know how else to make her see. The ugly fucking truth of the matter is that Halsey Moore stole my fucking being when I was twelve years old and then ripped it away, and I’ve been clawing out of the darkness ever since.

I know I don’t deserve her, and I’m no closer to redemption in the light of the following day, but I am resolved.

If Halsey wants to play the game, then so will I. I can pretend with the best of them. I’ve been doing it for fucking years, after all, but I will not give up.

Maybe I need to rethink my approach, but the ending is still the same. I’ll win the girl if it fucking kills me. She wants me to feel pain. Bring it, because I’m the fucking master.

With a sigh, I roll out of bed and stalk into the bathroom, grimacing at my reflection in the mirror. I have to get to practice before coach has my ass, but these days I find I don’t fucking care. And standing beside Jason Macklemore as my fucking teammate makes me want to claw my eyes out, or his, but there’s nothing I can do.

Football is my life, was my life until a little blonde dynamo with a siren smile and purple, blue eyes came along. I buried my rage in the sport for years, but even the shine of that is wearing off.

Unfortunately, if I don’t have football, I have nothing.

And that scares the shit out of me.

Who am I but the dick who allowed my demons through and can’t push them back into the box?

Smiling grimly, I step into the shower and move my thoughts away from my heart because it’s fucking dead anyway.

∞∞∞

HALSEY

“Halsey, you have to let go of this stubborn need to hold on to the past,” Dr. Marks says sternly.

Sinking into my seat, I mutter, “It’s not me doing anything. If you want me to move on, then why do you keep asking me about it?”

“Because that’s what therapy is, a safe place to talk about your feelings. Otherwise, what are we here for?”

Shrugging, I look away uncomfortably, fighting back tears. I’m tired of my past informing my present, but I don’t know how to get out of the vicious fucking loop.

With a sigh, he steeples his fingers before his face. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Staring at the wall stubbornly, I finally give in because the sooner I do, the sooner he’ll move on to the next painful topic. After all, that’s why I’m here, isn’t it?

“I met up with a guy and made out with him, but I didn’t like it, and I didn’t do it for the right reasons.” My cheeks heat because I still can’t forget the altercation with Griffin, and it’s been eating at me.

I’m dreading our art class later because I’m sure Griffin will ice me out as he’s become quite adept at doing, and despite my assertions that I wanted him to feel my pain, I know his enmity will be devastating. It’s a double-edged sword I’m holding, and no matter what I do, I can’t find a way to remain unscathed.

“I see. Did you have sex with him?”

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