Page 18 of Bitter Truths

“Yeah, man, totally cool,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “You, okay?”

“Me?” I force a chuckle. “Yeah, just ready to get this shit going. Win some games.”

Brock nods, his eyes bright with greed, and I snicker, meeting his fist bump.

“Seriously though, if something’s going on, I’m your man,” he says.

Nodding, I turn away. “Thanks, bro.”

We’ve never been close, but it’s nice to know he’s got my back. I wonder if he’d say the same if I told him my plans for fuckwad.

Probably best to keep that one close to the vest for now. What’s that little fucker up to? And how can I use it to fuck up his world?

A woman passes through the crowd, and my heart skips a beat when I spy the blonde ponytail, but she turns her head, and I sag against the couch.

I’m starting to miss the dick who fucked anything with holes because the new me who pines after Halsey is boring as fuck.

Not only that, but I spent so many years burying anything that felt like a genuine emotion that the inferno I feel now is a physical ache that hurts. I can take the rage and even the disgusting satisfaction of knowing I’m still the number one dick in Halsey’s life, but this? Fuck no.

“Hey, Griff.”

With a grin, I glance down at Tiffany. No, Tilly. Terry? Fuck it. “Hey, there.”

She smiles widely at my greeting, and I consider Halsey’s text. She never wants to see my face again. She’s shown me with her words and her silence how she feels. I could fuck this one to forget.

But I know it would be temporary because even good sex doesn’t supersede the feeling Halsey gives me just by breathing. Hell, I’ve never admitted it out loud, but sometimes I’m actually thinking of Halsey when I’m fucking someone else. How pathetic is that?

She fucking haunts me.

But this one with her fake tits and wide, lush mouth doesn’t compare to the girl with the blazing eyes and pretty soul. I want her, which is why I pull my lips into a smirk and grab this one’s hand before she touches my chest. The irony isn’t lost on me, but the mask I wear that chicks eat up is getting old. None of these people see the real me.

Still, my skin tingles, and I consider her offer, knowing she’d sleep with me right now if I demanded it. But the continuous goddamn ache in my belly tells me fucking her won’t release me.

Maybe it was obnoxious, but back then, fucking and forgetting got the job done. I traded the eternal silence for sex and booze and didn’t look back, at least not until I realized no matter what I did, Halsey would always be the girl I couldn’t look past.

Surrounded by sycophants, I was their god, and yes, it made me feel good because I felt needed. Sick shit, I know.

But it was an empty win because below the surface, my skin still ached for Halsey’s caress, burned for her bright stare. I was breathing through water, and only when she saw me did my lungs open.

“Not now,” I say gruffly, dropping her hand and walking away.

I want oblivion, but this chick with her greedy eyes isn’t my redemption.

Nope, that rests with a woman across campus, and I sure fucking hope I figure out how to reach her. Otherwise, I’m lost. If I could’ve walked away from Halsey, I would have, but she’s my temptation, my obsession, and I know it makes me a dick, but I will fucking have her.

I don’t know how else to survive.

Chapter Five

Somewhere along the way, I lost my damn mind.

HALSEY

The rest of the weekend is spent settling in, and on Sunday morning, I’m exhausted but excited for the week to start. I’ve already purchased my books and supplies, and I even signed up for another class on art this semester.

Although my dream to go to art school died a fiery death, I still squeeze in a class here and there to feed my soul. It’s these small things that make the bigger shit bearable.

I’m sitting at the table with a glass of orange juice, groggy from sleep. I still struggle with eating three meals a day, and it shows on my bony frame, but I’m trying, and that’s all I can do.

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