Page 39 of Bitter Truths

“You wanna get out of here?” David says, touching my arm.

Stepping away casually, I stare at the floor, acknowledging that whatever he does or doesn’t feel, it’s surely gone now in the wake of my actions. But this is what I wanted, right? For him to see. So why does my heart ache so fucking badly?

“Sure,” I say softly, even though I don’t. I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to stay. I don’t know what I fucking want.

I don’t see Aaron when we emerge, but I do see Griffin with a buxom brunette hanging off his arm, and when he glances up, he’s so cold he’s arctic. He looks right through me as though he doesn’t see me and maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he never fucking did.

Shivering, I follow David to his truck and sink into the seat, wondering what in the hell I’ve just done.

∞∞∞

I don’t sleep with David, but we make out for a while before I give some excuse or another and leave. All the while, I can’t get Griffin’s look out of my head. It was as though he erased me altogether.

With a headache, I head home, relieved when the house comes into view because I’m itchy with regret and running on fumes.

“Hey,” I say when I find Aaron sitting on the couch watching television, but my stomach sinks when he barely looks my way and mutters a greeting.

Great, now I’ve pissed off all the men in my life. Maybe Max could come around, and I could make him angry too, just to be fair. Except there’s a little voice in the back of my head informing me that as of tonight, Griffin may not be in my life at all, and it’s my own damn fault.

I step in front of the television and face my only friend with a sheepish smile. I can’t stand the thought of him being upset with me, not the only person who brings me peace. “I’m sorry.”

“You ditched me at a party you wanted to go to,” he says, raising his shining brown eyes to mine.

Bowing my head, I say softly, “I know, and I’m sorry, but Griffin . . .”

“What?” He cocks his head to the side.

“He was so mad,” I whisper.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asks softly.

“I thought I did.” I sniffle.

Sighing, he pulls me down beside him on the couch and wraps me up tight in his arms. I relax into his embrace before letting loose the tears that have been clawing at my throat since Griffin eyed me with disgust, and I ruined what I’ve been waiting for since the eighth fucking grade.

“You like him. So, why are you trying to hurt him?” Aaron asks gruffly.

“Because he hurt me.”

“And that makes it better? What is this, junior high? Hals, the guy has it bad for you, and I’m guessing the feeling is mutual. So . . .”

“It doesn’t matter. He hates me now, and he was snuggled up to some bitch when I left.”

“Yeah, because you pushed him there,” he says with a huff.

I pull away from his now wet shoulder. “Wait, what? Did you see something?”

He gives me a piteous look, and I turn away. Standing, I’m suddenly exhausted because, of course, Aaron saw something. Griffin’s a dude. He thinks with his dick and resolves all his feelings that way, too.

“Hals—”

“It’s fine. I’m tired. Forgive me?” I ask, raising my hands in prayer.

He smirks, saying playfully, “Only if you never ditch me at a party again.”

“Deal,” I say with a faint smile before locking myself in the bathroom and stepping into the shower.

Only then do I cry for the girl I was, the girl I am, and the fucked-up boy that apparently, I will love forever. And after, I take a deep breath and will it away. He may be the boy I once adored, but I’m not that girl anymore and I’ll get through this knowing I showed him what it feels like to want what you can’t have.

---