Page 26 of Bitter Truths

Last year, Halsey may have found a bin of things I couldn’t let go of, but she never knew about this. It’s the final mark of my obsession.

Within are dozens of pictures she took of me as well as ones she drew. I found them in her room, my curiosity too great when she left me to go to the bathroom one night.

After that, I stole them one by one so she wouldn’t miss them. Each depicts me in a different light, and all of them show me how she sees me, or at least how she did.

Maybe these pictures depict the real me, or maybe they show the facade, but either way, they confirm what I thought to be true. She loved me. Me.

A fucking miracle. How can I let that go? Especially now when I’m losing more than I hoped to have?

I need her to tell me I can live through this because I don’t know how to get past it. Once upon a time, Halsey’s love showed me the way, but I’ve been smothered under Mother’s sickness for so long that my skin burns at the thought of being free.

I’m the filthy bastard Mother insisted I be and only Halsey has ever washed that sickness clean.

∞∞∞

HALSEY

I can’t escape my swirling thoughts, so when Aaron suggests we head out to the club over the weekend, I readily agree, needing the distraction.

Griffin’s last text weighs on me because I don’t know how to respond, if at all.

What did you see when you looked at me all those years ago? I never could figure it out.

Why is he asking? Does it matter?

It shouldn’t, but my throat aches with the need to tell him how he consumed me. Maybe then, he’d understand the ache I can’t push away.

“Hals?” Aaron says, and I glance at him with a smile.

“Yeah?”

Aaron has beautiful caramel-colored eyes with a perpetual twinkle that warms me through. He’s taller than me by several inches and although he doesn’t participate in sports, he enjoys working out.

He’s lean and fit, with a broad chest and sizable arms. I’ve seen more than one girl give him a flirty smile that he returns with a glamorous version of his own.

“You okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m good,” I say, hiding my frown.

My soul-searching isn’t lost on him, and I push back the burn of annoyance at that. Once again, I’m caught up in Griffin when I should be enjoying my damn life.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

Bumping his shoulder, I grin into the universe, my heart warmed by him.

“I do. I’m just, I don’t know. I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?”

Glancing at him sideways, I hesitate but shrug. Maybe this is my opportunity to let some of the shit sitting on my chest go.

“Last year, my friend Griffin was a jerk. I mean, you know, like a real bastard. I found out some horrible stuff. I don’t know how to let it go.”

“Okay, what did he do?” Aaron asks with a solemn frown.

“Well, my brother lied about me, and Griffin believed him. He dropped me like I was nothing and was horrible to me through high school.”

I don’t want to speak of the final betrayal because just the thought sticks in my throat. This is why I can’t speak to Griffin. His actions are pressing me into the ground. I feel like I can’t breathe and at any moment, I’ll be buried beneath it all.

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