Page 29 of A Constant Blaze

“My lord?” Muiredach returned politely.

“Don’t let her leave alone,” Adam said and walked away.

*

Malcolm MacHeth spentthe night of his feast alone under the stars. He’d thought he was just aimlessly wandering until he’d found himself at the foot of that same waterfall where he’d first seen Halla. He let his horse drink from the nearby stream and then, since the surroundings seemed deserted, he stripped off his clothes and waded into the river, letting the currents pull him where they would, swimming only when he was in danger of being dashed against the rocks. It felt like the rest of his life since that letter had come from Halla and he’d lost control of his own destiny.

It didn’t make him unhappy. How could it? He was free and so was Donald.

So why wasn’t he at home in the bosom of his family? With Halla, for whom he’d longed all these years.

He scrubbed at his skin with his fingers, wondering if he was washing off Roxburgh or trying to find the man he’d been, the man Halla might recognize. But he was more than that now. He was the man who had to care for his family. Who had no idea where to begin.

Dragging himself from the river, he dried himself on his shirt and struggled back into the rest of his clothes. As he pulled his boots on, it struck him suddenly that Halla might feel as he did and come here, too.

He let his foot fall back to the ground. That was why he’d come here. Without even thinking about it, he’d understood that this was the place he needed to be, to meet with Halla in private before they faced the world together. And suddenly, he was sure that she would come.

With new purpose, he leapt to his feet and went into the trees to collect wood and brush for a fire. He caught a rabbit and cooked it with a sense of anticipation more intense than any he could remember. Halla. Sweet, passionate, loving Halla.

He’d been right all those years ago. She had been more than worth the wait. Although he couldn’t remember now how long he actually had waited for her, it had felt like an eternity. For one thing, it hadn’t just seemed wrong to slake his lust on other women, he’d discovered he didn’t actually want anyone else.

It had been her curiosity that had undone him in the end. They’d been traveling north to Tain together and made camp under a clear sky. For warmth, he’d wrapped them both together in the same blankets, resolved still to be good but loving the tempting feel of her soft body in his arms. He’d forbidden his own hands from exploring, but not hers. Her fingers had been inquisitive and increasingly sensual, and he’d kissed her in the same way as a warning to stop, but then, quite suddenly, it was he who couldn’t.

And so, with a care and patience previously unknown to him, and which he struggled to maintain until the end, he’d finally taken her as his wife, giving her pleasure and receiving it with more intensity than he’d ever known.

That had been another beginning, another step in their often turbulent relationship. Remembering, Malcolm was forced to adjust his position where he sat before the fire. Loving Halla had been sweet and addictive and joyful, for she’d never been afraid of giving.

She had to come here, now. She would.

And what would she find, he wondered, as the light began to fade. A broken man who’d let her down.

But of course, she wasn’t coming. She was waiting for him at Brecka. And he’d probably hurt her by coming here. He shouldn’t have done it. It had seemed quite sane and necessary, until now, when he forced himself to see it through her eyes.

One more night. One more night to fix myself, to remember myself. And then I’ll go home.

*

Halla did herduty, as she always had. Only the emotions seething behind her serene facade had changed. And the words repeating endlessly in her head:Damn him. Damn him.

The morning after Donald’s return, the host began to disperse, back to their own homes. Between them, Donald and Adam sorted out any drunken fights and other bad behavior that might have disturbed her. Halla barely noticed. She just wanted them all to be gone. But annoyingly, even when the only men remaining were her sons’ permanent followings, the boys themselves hung around the hall.

“You should go home,” she said abruptly to Cairistiona when they walked back from the village church together.

“I think Adam is hoping to see his father again first.”

“If his father comes, I will send him to Tirebeck,” Halla said wryly. At this moment, it was by far the pleasantest of the places she wished to send him. “Seriously, Cairistiona. Take him home. Don’t let him waste his life waiting.”

Cairistiona searched her face for a moment, then nodded and walked on in silence, leaving Halla to her own thoughts, which veered off in wayward directions.

“Tell me about your first husband,” Halla said abruptly. “De Lanson.”

There was a pause. It was hard for Cairistiona. Because she loved Adam. And Adam had killed de Lanson.

“What do you want to know?” Cairistiona asked.

“Was he ever charming? Did you love him when you first knew him?”

Cairistiona’s gaze flew to hers, then quickly away. “No. I suppose I wanted him to love me, but that’s not the same thing, is it? It was more a need to be useful, in return, I think, for some kind of security or peace.”

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