Page 26 of Lost Track

But Max wasn’t listening. He pulled his phone out and started dialing. “Ma? You’re never gonna believe this… Uncle Rob is there? Put me on speaker.”

Leslie dropped his head back and closed his eyes. “We are never going to hear the end of this, are we?”

“Not likely.” Dave chuckled.

Sabine returned with the water which Max took and then continued his phone conversation.

“I’m pretty sure he’s calling everyone he’s ever met,” Dave explained to her.

“Do you want me to put the pizza order in then…?” Sabine asked, her mouth pulling to the side in question.

“Yeah. Yes, please.” He smiled at her. Thankful she had been there, thankful she knew what to do, thankful she was so chill about the whole thing—and wishing he could say all that.

“Okay, I’ll be back.”

She smirked fully then and gave him a finger wiggle as she left.

“What’s that?”

Dave glanced at Leslie who had a knowing smile on his face. “What?”

“That little smile you gave her. What was that?”

Dave rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You think I didn’t see it, but I saw it,” Leslie pressed.

“I’m still allowed to smile, right?” Dave asked.

Leslie nodded once but his expression didn’t shift away from that slightly amused one.

Dave got it. They thought he was ridiculous because he’d sworn off women. Actually, they thought he was ridiculous because he’d decided to be celibate. He’d tried to explain it but they really didn’t see it the way he did.

Sex complicated things—for him specifically. He couldn’t speak to anyone else’s experience.

Don’t get it wrong, sex was awesome. He definitely enjoyed it. And he had every intention of enjoying it again in the future.

But when he’d driven up his driveway and found the house on fire, he realized he needed to do something different.

He had a history of hooking up with women who were just as impulsive as he was. Which always felt amazing in the beginning.

But they had too much in common when it came to chasing the dopamine and mistaking sex for connection.

He realized sex made things confusing for him. It felt like love and it looked like love, but it had taken the place of critical thinking in his brain. He looked past red flags, he ignored his friends’ warnings; he ignored his own warnings.

And because sex filled that part of his brain that desired connection and impulsivity, he’d just chase the dopamine until it was gone.

Literally a pile of ashes.

The women who were eager to sleep with him, move in with him, go on trips with him, they had impulse issues the same as he did. It was unreasonable to expect the relationship to do anything but fail. It wasn’t built on anything stable.

So, he’d decided to try something different. No sex until he was certain he’d foundthe one. And maybe he wouldn’t find her. Maybethe onewas a fantasy. But the longer he went sticking to his convictions, the better he felt about himself and what he wanted.

The antidepressants had helped in that area too.

It was a completely new way for him to operate though, so he understood why Max was suspicious and why Leslie teased him. It would take some time to establish a new pattern.

At least that’s what he kept telling himself.

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